...from the front burner

The Decade In Review: Singles

2009-12-17T16:58:00.004-05:00

This list was a lot harder to compile than the albums list. There was no shortage of great singles in the 2000s and narrowing them down was tough! So, of course, there are some glaring omissions here - Daft Punk "One More Time," U2 "Beautiful Day," and all the great Destiny's Child singles, to name just a few - and I welcome your input and feedback in the comments. I should also point out that this is just a list of radio-released singles; if this was a list of the decade's best songs, I'm pretty certain the list would look a lot different outside of the top ten or twenty, which are pretty untouchable no matter how you slice it. Enjoy!

01. justin timberlake - sexyback
02. beyonce - crazy in love
03. nelly - hot in herre
04. bruce springsteen - radio nowhere
05. nelly furtado - maneater
06. lady gaga - bad romance
07. outkast - hey ya!
08. the killers - mr. brightside
09. dr. dre - forgot about dre
10. kelly clarkson - since u been gone

11. kaiser chiefs - i predict a riot
12. morningwood - nth degree
13. lady gaga - poker face
14. phoenix - 1901
15. arctic monkeys - i bet you look good on the dancefloor
16. foo fighters - all my life
17. bloc party - positive tension
18. usher - yeah!
19. pearl jam - the fixer
20. jay-z - 99 problems

21. basement jaxx - where's your head at
22. interpol - pda
23. vanessa carlton - white houses
24. green day - waiting
25. kanye west - stronger
26. the shins - new slang
27. yeah yeah yeahs - maps
28. nine inch nails - the hand that feeds
29. taylor swift - you belong with me
30. christina aguilera - beautiful

31. eminem - the real slim shady
32. green day - american idiot
33. jimmy eat world - sweetness
34. beck - e-pro
35. the strokes - last nite
36. panic at the disco - nine in the afternoon
37. kelly clarkson - i do not hook up
38. katy perry - waking up in vegas
39. lady gaga - paparazzi
40. gwen stefani - hollaback girl

41. kings of leon - use somebody
42. eminem - stan
43. the cribs - our bovine public
44. buckcherry - crazy bitch
45. bloc party - banquet
46. fergie - big girls don't cry
47. goo goo dolls - stay with you
48. switchfoot - stars
49. no doubt - hella good
50. the all-american rejects - dirty little secret

51. fall out boy - sugar, we're goin down
52. nappy roots - roun' the globe
53. hoobastank - crawling in the dark
54. mike doughty - looking at the world from the bottom of a well
55. hot hot heat - middle of nowhere
56. lady gaga - just dance
57. usher - burn
58. plain white ts - hey there delilah
59. 50 cent - in da club
60. oasis - little by little

61. panic! at the disco - i write sins not tragedies
62. keane - somewhere only we know
63. sugarcult - stuck in america
64. sleater-kinney - you're no rock n' roll fun
65. eminem - without me
66. justin timberlake - rock your body
67. kings of leon - the bucket
68. outkast - b.o.b.
69. the postal service - such great heights
70. u2 - all because of you

71. the polyphonic spree - light & day/reach for the sun
72. dido - white flag
73. foo fighters - the pretender
74. the killers - somebody told me
75. bloc party - i still remember
76. blink-182 - first date
77. r. kelly - ignition (remix)
78. hot hot heat - goodnight goodnight
79. cascada - evacuate the dancefloor
80. pitbull - hotel room service

81. slipknot - psychosocial
82. kanye west - gold digger
83. andrew w.k. - party hard
84. the killers - when you were young
85. ryan adams - so alive
86. ben folds - landed
87. sugar ray - answer the phone
88. flo rida - sugar
89. tinted windows - kind of a girl
90. sean kingston - fire burning

91. deftones - knife prty
92. the dandy warhols - bohemian like you
93. the cure - the end of the world
94. oasis - the hindu times
95. aerosmith - jaded
96. beyonce - single ladies (put a ring on it)
97. colbie caillat - bubbly
98. sloan - if it feels good do it
99. avril lavigne - girlfriend
100. good charlotte - the anthem

up next: more music lists! [[justin]]

The Decade In Review: Albums

2009-12-10T21:55:00.004-05:00

Much like my list of the greatest movies of all-time, this should be taken not as an attempt at objectivity but instead as an exercise in rank-ordering the relative greatness of the albums that really made an impression on me in the past ten years. Enjoy!

01. bloc party - silent alarm
02. the jealous sound - kill them with kindness
03. the fags - light 'em up
04. the wildhearts - the wildhearts
05. mike doughty - haughty melodic
06. the new pornographers - twin cinema
07. queens of the stone age - songs for the deaf
08. girl talk - feed the animals
09. ryan adams - rock n roll
10. cheap trick - the latest

11. tsar - band - girls - money
12. the plus ones - oh me of little faith
13. lifetime - lifetime
14. silverginger 5 - black leather mojo
15. jimmy eat world - bleed american
16. daft punk - discovery
17. the wildhearts - chutzpah!
18. courtney love - america's sweetheart
19. buckcherry - time bomb
20. nada surf - let go

21. panic at the disco - pretty.odd.
22. lady gaga - the fame
23. the heavenly states - the heavenly states
24. ginger - yoni
25. the futureheads - the futureheads
26. amscray - last of the fieros
27. ben folds - rockin' the suburbs
28. eminem - the marshall mathers lp
29. the long winters - when i pretend to fall
30. sloan - never hear the end of it

31. cursive - the ugly organ
32. the killers - hot fuss
33. radiohead - in rainbows
34. the futureheads - this is not the world
35. andrew w.k. - i get wet
36. girl talk - night ripper
37. beck - sea change
38. the subways - all or nothing
39. burning airlines - identikit
40. metric - fantasies

41. rival schools - united by fate
42. bloc party - intimacy
43. the wildhearts - the wildhearts must be destroyed
44. radiohead - kid a
45. the new pornographers - the electric version
46. charmless - just because
47. unwritten law - elva
48. sleater-kinney - all hands on the bad one
49. nelly - country grammar
50. blink-182 - take off your pants and jacket

51. piebald - we are the only friends we have
52. interpol - turn on the bright lights
53. we are scientists - with love and squalor
54. bruce springsteen - working on a dream
55. toadies - hell below/stars above
56. marvelous 3 - ready sex go
57. the yo-yo's - uppers and downers
58. torche - meanderthal
59. craig david - born to do it
60. slipknot - vol. 3: (the subliminal verses)

61. pete yorn - musicforthemorningafter
62. hedwig and the angry inch - original motion picture soundtrack
63. hot hot heat - make up the breakdown
64. buckcherry - 15
65. bruce springsteen - magic
66. sloan - pretty together
67. murderdolls - beyond the valley of the murderdolls
68. samiam - astray
69. jimmy eat world - futures
70. deftones - white pony

71. tsar - tsar
72. the go! team - thunder, lightning, strike
73. the suicide machines - the suicide machines
74. yeah yeah yeahs - show your bones
75. nine inch nails - [with_teeth]
76. justice - cross
77. linkin park - [hybrid theory]
78. phoenix - wolfgang amadeus phoenix
79. pearl jam - backspacer
80. the ting tings - we started nothing

81. japandroids - post-nothing
82. the teenagers - reality check
83. radiohead - hail to the thief
84. no age - nouns
85. scissor sisters - scissor sisters
86. lcd soundsystem - lcd soundsystem
87. jason falkner - i'm ok ... you're ok
88. aerosmith - just push play
89. neko case - canadian amp
90. we were promised jetpacks - these four walls

91. hifi handgrenades - carry on
92. look mexico - this is animal music
93. +44 - when your heart stops beating
94. the sounds - dying to say this to you
95. latterman - turn up the punk, we'll be singing
96. lit - atomic
97. atom & his package - attention! blah blah blah
98. cj & the satellites - thirteen
99. the cribs - men's needs, women's needs, whatever
100. rocket from the crypt - group sounds

up next: the best singles of the decade! [[justin]]

September's Top Ten

2009-10-01T18:26:00.002-04:00

According to my iTunes play count, last month's soundtrack was:

Archers of Loaf, "Might"
The Wildhearts, "The Jackson Whites"
Courtney Love, "But Julian, I'm a Little Older Than You"
The Fags, "Truly, Truly"
Radiohead, "There There (The Boney King of Nowhere.)"
Unrest, "Cath Carroll"
Nada Surf, "Hyperspace"
Katy Perry, "Waking Up In Vegas"
Radiohead, "Airbag"
Kelly Clarkson, "I Do Not Hook Up"

[[justin]]

Opening Line

2009-09-24T11:41:00.001-04:00

"Man, the talking animal, not only talks but he talks about his talking." (DeFleur and Larsen, "The Flow of Information," 1957)

With an intro like that, how can this book fail? [[justin]]

"We're on a mission from God."

2009-09-20T00:12:00.001-04:00

You know, I'm all for equal voting rights, and few things made me more ill than the systemic disenfranchisement of Black and poor voters in Florida in 2000. But that said ... things like this make me wonder if maybe there are some people who really shouldn't be out casting ballots and having their voices heard.

- from the Smithsonian Museum of American History [[justin]]

Visceral Impact

2009-09-19T22:45:00.000-04:00

This is a section of the communications antenna from the top of the North Tower of the World Trade Center, as seen at the Newseum in Washington, DC, framed amidst a collection of front-page headlines from around the world on Sept. 11-12, 2001. Watergate may have been the defining institutional moment of my lifetime, but there's no question that 9/11 will be the most significant overall. [[justin]]

... Rock Over Chicago

2009-09-14T23:53:00.001-04:00

The Ten Best American Cities:
10. Berkeley, CA
09. Washington, DC
08. Seattle, WA
07. Portland, OR
06. Boston, MA
05. Oakland, CA
04. Philadelphia, PA
03. San Francisco, CA
02. New York, NY
01. Chicago, IL

[[justin]]

I Think I Missed My Calling.

2009-09-13T23:50:00.001-04:00

Well, at least it's a recession-proof career. [[justin]]

You Say, "Pop" ...

2009-09-11T13:47:00.002-04:00

... I say, "only in the Midwest." [[justin]]

Bitter. Sweet. Bittersweet.

2009-09-07T14:46:00.001-04:00

Album of the Moment: Jawbreaker, "24 Hour Revenge Therapy"

I'll still go on record as saying that "Dear You" is a better album and, with the exception of "Do You Still Hate Me," has all their best songs ... but man, there's just not a whole lot about this one that I can argue with. [[justin]]

Tweet Tweet

2009-09-05T00:10:00.000-04:00

At the risk of sounding like a curmudgeon two posts in a row, can I just take this opportunity to say that I really hate Twitter? As far as I can tell, it's nothing more than an exercise in vacuous narcissism for the sender and mundane voyeurism for the receiver. Take the pointlessness of 99% of Facebook updates (mine included, I admit), and then strip away everything else that makes Facebook tolerable - the photos, the shared videos, the quizzes, and so on - and you've got Twitter, the "social networking" site for people who are neither social nor interested in being part of a true network. [[justin]]

Smells Like Teen Spirit

2009-09-03T23:48:00.000-04:00

I hate to be that grumpy old man who complains about how much better things were when I was young but these days, pretty much every time I turn on the radio or read Pitchfork, I really, really, really miss Kurt Cobain. Just once more before I die, I'd like to hear another new band that understands the common ground between The Sex Pistols, Cheap Trick, The Pixies, and Devo. Just once more before I die, I'd like to get another lyric as brilliant as, "One baby to another says 'I'm lucky to have met you. I don't care what you think unless it is about me. It is now my duty to completely drain you.'" Just once more before I die, I'd like to see another new band so thoroughly embrace the very industry that they so vigorously shun. Corporate rock still sucks, indeed. [[justin]]

Pow.

2009-08-30T23:27:00.001-04:00

Q. How much do I love that this guy is our President right now?
A. So much so that it's impossible to quantify. [[justin]]

In The Midnight Hour

2009-08-29T23:30:00.000-04:00

from "Piled Higher and Deeper" by Jorge Cham (www.phdcomics.com)

Yes. So true. [[justin]]

The More Things Change ...

2009-08-27T13:46:00.001-04:00

"Although economic growth after 1820 did not change the fundamental relationship between the cities and the countryside in the South, the change in the Northern cities was a veritable revolution in culture. Not only did the urban population of the Northeast expand at an unprecedented rate during the last four decades of the antebellum era, but nearly half that population was concentrated in just two cities. By 1860 Philadelphia's population exceeded a half million and New York's was close to a million. Such large cities made possible or promoted certain elements of high culture--music, literature, and theater--and were showcases for some of the most spectacular aspects of the new technology of the age, especially in transportation, communication, and commerce.

Yet it was not the achievements of these and other large cities but the severe new problems they posed that were foremost in American thought at the time. Philadelphia, New York, and other large cities were perceived as threats to social order; as breeders of disease, crime, violence, and moral decay; and as threats to American religious freedom and to popular democracy. Between 1790 and 1850 Northern life expectancies declined by 25 percent, and the decline in New York, Philadelphia, and other large cities was twice as great. Life expectancy at birth in New York and Philadelphia during the 1830s and 1840s averaged just 24 years, six years less than that of Southern slaves."
- Nobel Prize winner Robert W. Fogel, 1993, "Problems in modeling complex dynamic interactions: The political realignment of the 1850s"

I smell a slogan: "Philadelphia. We breed disease, crime, violence, and moral decay." [[justin]]

Separated at Birth?

2009-08-25T21:57:00.000-04:00

Separated at birth? You be the judge. And bring me some damn peanuts while you're thinking about it. [[justin]]

I Need Another Holiday. Already.

2009-08-23T15:44:00.008-04:00

As seen on the bathroom wall at Herbivore, Mission St., San Francisco (click the photo for larger image with more legible text). More vacation photos coming soon! [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 11 (#1-5)

2009-08-21T20:59:00.013-04:00

This is it! Almost two weeks after we started this countdown, we're finally at the top of the charts. The top five greatest movies of all time. It was great fun making this list, even though the positioning got harder and harder as I got towards the top. There's no question that there's a much bigger difference between positions at the bottom. That is, I think that (for instance) The Fifth Element (#41) is way greater than Fletch (#42), but The Shawshank Redemption (#8) is only a tiny, tiny bit ahead of The Manchurian Candidate (#9). Today's list - the top five - was almost impossible to rank-order since every one of the five is flawless in its own way; you could order these in a completely different way and I probably wouldn't be able to put up much of a counter-argument.

But enough talk! Let's get to it.

50. Total Recall
49. The Wrestler
48. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
47. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
46. The Game
45. Saw
44. Shrek
43. The Hills Have Eyes
42. Fletch
41. The Fifth Element
40. True Romance
39. The Usual Suspects
38. The Dark Knight
37. Evil Dead II
36. Sin City
35. The Silence of the Lambs
34. Office Space
33. Minority Report
32. American Beauty
31. National Lampoon's Animal House
30. Saturday Night Fever
29. Pulp Fiction
28. Iron Man
27. Return of the Jedi
26. V for Vendetta
25. Caddyshack
24. Seven
23. Die Hard
22. Goldfinger
21. Dawn of the Dead
20. 28 Days Later
19. Boogie Nights
18. From Russia With Love
17. 12 Monkeys
16. The Godfather Part II
15. Shaun of the Dead
14. Reservoir Dogs
13. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
12. Star Wars
11. The Muppet Movie
10. The Matrix
09. The Manchurian Candidate
08. The Shawshank Redemption
07. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
06. Rocky

... and the top five greatest movies of all-time are ...

05. Goodfellas - I like mob movies as a genre, but it's hardly one that I would consider innovative - generally enjoyable, yes, (see also Casino, Donnie Brasco, The Departed) but there's not a whole lot new that can be said about family, honor, Las Vegas/Atlantic City, revenge, crime, informants, federal investigations, etc. Goodfellas triumphs not by redefining the genre, but by perfectly illustrating it. Simply put, there is not a frame, shot, edit, cut, sound, or word out of place in this movie. From the opening scene (Billy Batts in the trunk) to the final titles (describing what happened to everyone), Goodfellas never lets up for a moment, stacking awesome scene on top of awesome scene. To name just a few that come immediately mind: "... funny how? Funny like a clown, like I amuse you?"; Tommy and Spider at the card game; the Lufthansa heist at JFK (and Jimmy's ultimate revenge, set to "Layla"); "Now go home and get your fuckin' shinebox."; Karen confronting Henry in bed with the pistol. The violence is explicit but never becomes gratuitous; the profanity adds to the realism without becoming a distraction; the characters are amoral socially but full of personal integrity, multidimensional and never stereotypical. Like I said, Goodfellas isn't breaking any new ground, but in this case, it's just as excellent to achieve formulaic perfection.
The Moral of the Story: Never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut.

04. Fight Club - David Fincher has only directed seven films; three of them made this list (see also The Game (#46) and Seven (#24)), but it's Fight Club that should be right at the top of his resume. It's gritty and dark, but also quite hilarious, and even at its most superficial moments it's working on a number of different levels. Sure, there's the surface story about Tyler Durden and the fight clubs, but there's also the sub-stories about escapism, modern-day notions of masculinity, consumer culture, power vs. submission, health, and love. I don't know of any other movie that works as hard or as successfully at involving the audience both indirectly (with a smart script, fast pacing, and great acting) and directly (Fight Club might be the most self-aware, meta-referential movie out there). The plot twist is about as good as they get, and I love how the voiceover narrative works as a third character within the plot and as the inner monologue for Edward Norton's onscreen character and as the embodiment of the fictional Jack ("I am Jack's smirking revenge," "I am Jack's complete lack of surprise," etc.). I guess the only criticism I have about Fight Club is that it's so brilliant that it makes almost every other movie look mediocre in comparison. But that's hardly a bad thing, is it?
The Moral of the Story: Don't let your possessions become your possessors.

03. The Empire Strikes Back - Without a doubt, this is my favorite movie of all-time. It's the one that I would pick if I could only watch one movie for the rest of my life, and the one I would pick if I were dying and knew that it would be the last one I'd ever see. I have seen and enjoyed The Empire Strikes Back more than any other movie; it blew me away when my parents took me to see it in the theater (summer 1980), it blew me away when Lucas redid the effects and re-released the trilogy in the "special edition" formats, and it's blown me away on every single VHS or DVD home viewing since its release. All of my Star Wars favorites are here: character (Yoda), minor character (Lobot!), planet (Hoth), dialogue (the Han-Leia "I love you - I know" exchange before the carbon freezing), chase scene (the Millenium Falcon in the asteroid field), ship (the AT-AT Walker), plot point ("Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father," duh), and "special edition" insert (the extended Wampa scene). Seriously, all I have to do is think about The Empire Strikes Back to get stoked on it. So why is it only number three? Well ... it's a sequel. One that is superior to the original in every way and one that stands on its own as a movie, to be sure - but would it blow your mind in the same way if you hadn't already seen Star Wars first? I don't know. Maybe not. So for that reason alone, I have to give a (very, very, very) slight advantage to the top two, which need no pre-story exposition whatsoever. But let me say for the record that The Empire Strikes Back will always, always be number one in my heart.
The Moral of the Story: You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family.

02. The Godfather - It may be impossible to say anything bad about Goodfellas (#5), but The Godfather is every bit as perfect and it came first. Every moment in this movie is legendary and, perhaps more than any other movie, has become fodder for both imitative flattery and parody. On the former, see every other Mafia movie ever made; on the latter, see, for instance, multiple Simpsons episodes (the best of which involves Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel getting revenge on the man who stole his fiance in a shot-by-shot reenactment of the tollbooth scene). In terms of cultural impact, very few movies have even one line that become part of the mainstream lexicon. The Godfather, on the other hand, has two that come to mind immediately: "I'm gonna make him an offer he won't refuse" and "Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes." And in terms of casting, this one's at the top of the game - Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan, Robert Duvall, Diane Keaton - and is only equalled by its sequel, which replaces Marlon Brando with Robert DeNiro (albeit playing the same character as Brando but in an earlier era). On top of all that, The Godfather stands out because its story is decidedly cerebral - not that it lacks in action or violence, but those elements are secondary to the plot rather than being primary plot points themselves. Cut those scenes and you've still got yourself a pretty fine movie, I think. That said, The Godfather - the second-greatest movie of all time- is perfect as it is and is definitely an offer you can't, and shouldn't refuse.
The Moral of the Story: No matter how hard we fight it, eventually we all become our parents.

01. Raiders of the Lost Ark - Some people probably expected something from the Star Wars trilogy to be number one, but no one should be surprised to find Harrison Ford in the starring role. Between 1977 and 1984, he built a legacy of greatness that no other actor can ever hope to match - Star Wars, Force 10 From Navarone, Apocalypse Now, The Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Blade Runner, Return of the Jedi, and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - and his post-1984 career hasn't been so bad either (the other two Indiana Jones films, The Fugitive, his two roles as Jack Ryan in the Tom Clancy series). Good gravy. No wonder I middle-named my son after him! Boyhood hero worship aside, though, there is absolutely nothing bad that can be said about Raiders of the Lost Ark. Let's recap the plot's most awesome high points: "Throw me the idol, I throw you the whip"; the escape from the giant boulder in the temple; the jungle chase back to the seaplane; rescuing Marion (who, truth be told, probably didn't need a hell of a lot of extra help - talk about a kick-ass heroine!) in Nepal; ending up trapped in the Well of Souls ("Asps. Very dangerous. You go first."); the Nazi mechanic and the airplane propellor; the U-boat stowaway; the rocket launcher ("You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together. I've got nothing better to do."); the ceremonial opening of the Ark ... and I didn't even mention the fight with the swordsman in Cairo or the romance scene on the England-bound ship or the part where Indiana Jones is getting dragged behind the truck ("I don't know, I'm making this up as I go."). And let's not forget that this is the third-greatest theme music of all time (after only the Star Wars and James Bond series' main themes). But the true test of greatness is, I think, timelessness and Raiders of the Lost Ark has that in excess. After The Empire Strikes Back (#3), this is my second-most watched movie and it never gets any less thrilling. In fact, knowing what's coming next - and how totally freaking awesome it's going to be - actually seems to increase the anticipation and excitement after multiple viewings. Raiders of the Lost Ark is the first movie I ever showed Jett (during a late-night bottle feeding when he was about a month old), partly because I wanted to watch it and partly because I wanted to start him off right. And what better way to do that than with a "screening" of the number one greatest movie of all time?
The Moral of the Story: Never bring a sword to a gunfight.

There it is. The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time. Enjoy! [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 10 (#6-10)

2009-08-20T17:15:00.015-04:00

Once again, a recap:

50. Total Recall
49. The Wrestler
48. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
47. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
46. The Game
45. Saw
44. Shrek
43. The Hills Have Eyes
42. Fletch
41. The Fifth Element
40. True Romance
39. The Usual Suspects
38. The Dark Knight
37. Evil Dead II
36. Sin City
35. The Silence of the Lambs
34. Office Space
33. Minority Report
32. American Beauty
31. National Lampoon's Animal House
30. Saturday Night Fever
29. Pulp Fiction
28. Iron Man
27. Return of the Jedi
26. V for Vendetta
25. Caddyshack
24. Seven
23. Die Hard
22. Goldfinger
21. Dawn of the Dead
20. 28 Days Later
19. Boogie Nights
18. From Russia With Love
17. 12 Monkeys
16. The Godfather Part II
15. Shaun of the Dead
14. Reservoir Dogs
13. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
12. Star Wars
11. The Muppet Movie

We're getting close to the top!

10. The Matrix - If The Matrix had nothing else going for it besides its effects, it still would have landed on this list. The "bullet time" sequences are an elegant update of action, Hong Kong style. The first fight - Trinity vs. the police - is one of the most jaw-droppingly awesome battles ever seen and just when you thought it couldn't get better, it does: the training programs; Morpheus' rescue; the climactic showdown between Neo and Agent Smith. On top of that, it's impossible to say enough about the set design - the real-world looks like, well, the real world, and the matrix itself looks just as cold, bleak, and lifeless as one would imagine it to be - and the costumes, especially the 1950s suits on the Agents. Simply superb, but The Matrix is more than just stunning visuals. It's also a well-crafted, brainy piece of modern existentialist philosophy; much like V for Vendetta (#26), I'd be stunned if this wasn't part of someone's film studies or philosophy course somewhere. Given how terrible the two sequels are, I might have to rate the collective trilogy as the tenth worst of all time, but The Matrix, on its own, is unquestionably the tenth best.
The Moral of the Story: It is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

09. The Manchurian Candidate - Frank Sinatra didn't have a great voice like Dean Martin or a charming personality like Sammy Davis, Jr. - of all the members of the Rat Pack, he just always seemed to me to be the least useful. So when I first found out that he also was an actor, I expected more of the same. Boy, was I wrong. Where his singing was average, his acting was exceptional; where his musical charisma was lacking, his onscreen presence was absolutely commanding. Nowhere is this more evident than in The Manchurian Candidate, one of the only Cold War-era political thrillers that didn't lose its edge during detente and/or become wholly antiquated post-1989. Credit for this is partly due to Sinatra, sure, but the real scene-stealer here is Angela Lansbury, who is believably chilling as a manipulative, cold-hearted political wife - it's miles away from the Angela Lansbury we know from Bedknobs and Broomsticks or Murder, She Wrote, that's for sure! I also have to give special recognition to the fantastic script (adapted from Richard Condon's novel of the same name): Sen. Johnny Iselin is a (very) thinly-veiled analogue to Sen. Joseph McCarthy, and the entire film is infused with the paranoia and tension of the 1950s anti-Communist witch hunts. The brainwashing/garden party scene is flawless, and as far as plot twists go, it's hard to beat the revelation of the identity of Raymond Shaw's handler. The 2004 remake was a total snoozer (sorry, Denzel), but if you stick with the original, The Manchurian Candidate is guaranteed not to disappoint.
The Moral of the Story: There's nothing quite like a nice game of solitaire to take your mind off things.

08. The Shawshank Redemption - Most of Stephen King's work shouldn't be removed from the printed page. Even when the movie versions are good (The Shining, The Green Mile, Misery) they don't live up to the books, and when they're bad ... wow. Fewer things provide a more painful viewing experience than a bad Stephen King adaptation: Pet Sematary, Cujo, Christine, Secret Window, Thinner, and on and on and on. So how did The Shawshank Redemption turn out to be such an absolute winner, a fantastic movie on its own merits and one that is a marked improvement on the short story? Well, it helps to have Frank Darabont involved - he doesn't do much, but everything he touches turns to "classic." It can't hurt to have Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman starring, either (not to mention Freeman's narration. There's a good reason why he was cast as the voice of God in the otherwise-terrible Bruce Almighty). Plus, their characters - Andy and Red - are both believable and likable, and theirs is the best cinematic representation of friendship that I've ever seen. Speaking of realism, it's also good to see a plausible escape plot portrayed; about two years ago in New Jersey, in fact, a Shawshank-inspired jailbreak actually did occur! I could say a million more good things about The Shawshank Redemption, but I don't think I need to. This one really sells itself and no one who has seen it should be questioning its placement on this list.
The Moral of the Story: A true friend is worth more than all the money in the world.

07. Fast Times at Ridgemont High - This movie makes the list because it's not just the smartest, funniest, most realistic high school movie of all time, it's also the single greatest comedy of all time. I mean, really, there is no logical argument to be made against a film in which the entirety of the American founding is summarized as, "What Jefferson was saying was, 'Hey! You know, we left this England place because it was bogus and if we don't get some cool rules pronto, we'll just be bogus, too!'" Classic stuff, as, I might add, is most of the rest of the dialogue. But Fast Times at Ridgemont High has much more to offer than just great lines, which is what propels it into the top ten. This movie was most people's introduction to a trio of talented actors who would go on to make many more good movies between them: Sean Penn, Forest Whitaker, Jennifer Jason Leigh (then again, it also unfortunately gave us Nicholas Cage, the second-worst actor of all time). It was Cameron Crowe's first (and best) screenplay. It turned the world outside of southern California on to slip-on checkerboard Vans. And it was one of the first teen comedies to deal with a serious issue - Stacy's abortion - in a serious way, without sacrificing the humor of the rest of the movie. In writing this, I'm reminded of just how perfect Fast Times at Ridgemont High is, and how every comedy that came after it really just pales in comparison.
The Moral of the Story: Serve no fries before their time.

06. Rocky - I'm having a hard time thinking of another movie that is as tightly bound to a city as Rocky is to Philadelphia. People here talk about Rocky like he's a real person - I confess, sometimes I'm also guilty of this - and still shower Sylvester Stallone with adoration, despite the fact that he's only made three good films in the thirty-three years since Rocky premiered in 1976 (Rocky II, Rocky III, and First Blood). That said, there's a good reason that Rocky is so revered: it's a flawless character study that captures the viewer's attention and sympathy in a way that few other movies ever have. Everybody loves to root for the underdog, and that's exactly what Rocky Balboa is - a local yokel boxer, living in a crappy studio apartment, earning an apparently meager living collecting debts for a small-time loan shark. You're sympathetic to this guy from the beginning, but when he gets chosen to fight the world heavyweight champion as part of a publicity stunt, I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't immediately, fervently root for Rocky to win. It's also worth noting that only three movies make me cry with every single viewing; this is one of them. Rocky is the best sports movie of all time (by a very comfortable margin) and overall, I would say that few characters are as likable, few stories are more moving, and few movies are better.
The Moral of the Story: Make the most out of every opportunity you're given.

Top Five tomorrow! [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 9 (#11-15)

2009-08-19T15:46:00.029-04:00

The Top 50, so far:

50. Total Recall
49. The Wrestler
48. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
47. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
46. The Game
45. Saw
44. Shrek
43. The Hills Have Eyes
42. Fletch
41. The Fifth Element
40. True Romance
39. The Usual Suspects
38. The Dark Knight
37. Evil Dead II
36. Sin City
35. The Silence of the Lambs
34. Office Space
33. Minority Report
32. American Beauty
31. National Lampoon's Animal House
30. Saturday Night Fever
29. Pulp Fiction
28. Iron Man
27. Return of the Jedi
26. V for Vendetta
25. Caddyshack
24. Seven
23. Die Hard
22. Goldfinger
21. Dawn of the Dead
20. 28 Days Later
19. Boogie Nights
18. From Russia With Love
17. 12 Monkeys
16. The Godfather Part II

And now, #11-15:

15. Shaun of the Dead - Talk about crossing genre lines: Shaun of the Dead is a romantic horror comedy about relationships and adulthood. Which, now that I write it, actually sounds ridiculous but, paradoxically, also makes me realize even more acutely just how perfectly awesome this movie is. Blurring this many lines could have made for a shiftless, unfocused mess of a film, but Shaun of the Dead plays each component well and combines them seamlessly: the dialogue is funny - best line: "Kill the Queen! NO, the jukebox!" - but doesn't detract from the suspense of the zombie scenes; there's lots of gore but not at the expense of the genuinely touching stories about Shaun and Ed's friendship and Shaun and Philip's evolving relationship; the Ed and Liz romance scenes are sweet but never take themselves so seriously that the jokes get lost. Shaun of the Dead also gets extra credit points for flawlessly inserting so many pop culture references, some subtle (a clip from The Smiths' "Panic" playing on the TV during the beginning of the zombie uprising), some not so subtle (um, duh, see #21 for the title of the movie). I didn't care much for Hot Fuzz or Run, Fatboy, Run, but if nothing else, I'll always love Simon Pegg for giving us Shaun of the Dead. Priceless.
The Moral of the Story: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

14. Reservoir Dogs - If there's one adage that Quentin Tarantino lives by, it's, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Reservoir Dogs was his first movie and it contains all the elements that make up the reliably enjoyable (if not always outstanding) Tarantino formula. Retro music? Check - "Stuck in the Middle with You." Stylish ultra-violence? Check - the still-makes-me-cringe-uncomfortably scene with Mr. Blonde and Marvin Nash. Overly wordy and vulgar, yet highly memorable/quotable, dialogue? Check - how about, " I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's fucked up but that ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. If you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it; put it to a vote, I'll vote for it. But what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit, I got two words for you: learn to fuckin' type. Because if you're expecting me to help out with the rent, you're in for a big fuckin' surprise." It's rare that a filmmaker's first movie turns out to be their best, but that's Reservoir Dogs for you.
The Moral of the Story: Just because things can't get any worse doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get any better.

13. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - As noted before, some 1970s horror movies have had good remakes recently (see Dawn of the Dead (#21) and The Hills Have Eyes (#43)); The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is not one of them. Perhaps that's because the original is so perfect that even a good remake would seem like crap in comparison. This movie creates an unmatchable sense of dread and suspense from the moment it starts and actually manages to increase that uneasy feeling as the movie goes on. In fact, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre has four of my top ten favorite horror movie scenes in history: the camera flashbulb opening shots (also in my top ten greatest movie introductions); the sudden appearance of Leatherface behind the steel door when Kirk enters the house; the family dinner; Sally's run through the woods and jump into the pickup truck. What's even more impressive about this movie is that almost all the horror and violence are implied - there's so little gore here that the filmmakers, when they took it to the MPAA, were hoping to get a PG-rating! The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the greatest horror film of all time and is one of the few that I can always count on to freak me out, every time.
The Moral of the Story: If you think your family is crazy, think again.

12. Star Wars - Let's get one thing straight: I'm not buying into any of this revisionistic bullshit that George Lucas is trying to pull on us by officially retitling this movie Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. No no no. This movie was, is, and always will be Star Wars, simple as that. OK. Now that I've got that off my chest, I don't really know what more I need to say to justify its inclusion here - the term "self-evident" almost seems like an understatement. I think everyone already knows that it's a story that grabs your attention, sucks you in completely, and is thoroughly enjoyable and exciting to watch. Still, it's worth pointing out that the technological innovations in Star Wars changed the movie industry forever; no post-1977 film with special effects would have been the same, if even possible at all, without it. It was also the first film that truly recognized and capitalized from the marketing tie-in possibilities; games, toys, fast food promos - no one really did it before and I'd say that no one has done it as well since. Star Wars certainly wasn't the first sci-fi/space movie, but it might well be the most influential and is easily one of the coolest.
The Moral of the Story: Let the Wookiee win.

11. The Muppet Movie - I shudder to think what children's entertainment - and, by extension, my childhood - would have been without Jim Henson. Probably more of the same kind of sanitized, mainstream, heavy-handed, conformist crap that Disney has been pumping out since mid-century. Yikes. Although best-known for Sesame Street, I would argue that the Muppets were Jim Henson's greatest invention; The Muppet Movie is the high point in a Muppet legacy full of high points. Every song is fantastic ("Rainbow Connection" makes my top ten greatest musical moments list; "I Hope That Something Better Comes Along" and "Can You Picture That?" are no slouches either). Every cameo is perfect, although Richard Pryor and Steve Martin kind of steal the show with theirs. This movie - and the show itself, more generally speaking - pioneered and perfected the art of aiming equally at kids and adults without losing the interest of either. The dialogue is a perfect example - one of my favorite movie lines of all time is when Fozzie offers a hitchhiking Big Bird a ride to California and Big Bird responds, "oh, no thanks, I'm on my way to New York to try to break into public television." Ha! I totally just laughed out loud even as I typed it. Brilliant line, and brilliant movie.
The Moral of the Story: Anything is possible if you work hard and believe in yourself.

The Top Ten starts tomorrow! [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 8 (#16-20)

2009-08-18T18:55:00.019-04:00

Things are getting exciting as we get closer to number one. Here's a brief look at what's already made the list:

50. Total Recall
49. The Wrestler
48. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
47. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
46. The Game
45. Saw
44. Shrek
43. The Hills Have Eyes
42. Fletch
41. The Fifth Element
40. True Romance
39. The Usual Suspects
38. The Dark Knight
37. Evil Dead II
36. Sin City
35. The Silence of the Lambs
34. Office Space
33. Minority Report
32. American Beauty
31. National Lampoon's Animal House
30. Saturday Night Fever
29. Pulp Fiction
28. Iron Man
27. Return of the Jedi
26. V for Vendetta
25. Caddyshack
24. Seven
23. Die Hard
22. Goldfinger
21. Dawn of the Dead

And now, into the top twenty!

20. 28 Days Later - For some reason, 28 Days Later was, and continues to be, completely mismarketed. People call it a zombie horror movie, but it's not. If anything, it's an apocalyptic military suspense movie, although I suppose that doesn't really have quite the same ring to it. Whatever. The point is this: no matter how you define this movie, it's the perfect blend of action, violence, thrills, scares, and thought-provoking believability. The cinematography is gorgeous - the pan shots of a deserted London are absolutely chilling - and with a cast of unknowns (to American audiences, at least) not distracting you with star power, it's very easy to get lost in the willing suspension of disbelief. Bonus points for the most perfectly exhilarating and thrilling chase sequence - the tire change in the tunnel out of London - I've ever seen; it's also hard to think of a bigger "oh shit" moment than the castle sequence with the soldiers and the female survivors. The sequel was a bit of a disappointment, but there's nothing bad to be said about 28 Days Later.
The Moral of the Story: Radical thoughts, good; radical tactics, bad.

19. Boogie Nights - Song placement can take an OK movie and make it good or, in the case of Boogie Nights, push an already-great movie into legendary status. The opening scene (the long shot at the club that introduces all the characters) set to "Best Of My Love" is, hands down, my favorite example of this; the "Sister Christian" and "God Only Knows" scenes would also rank near the top of my top ten of all-time. The music plays an integral role in this movie, drawing the viewer into the story of the rise, fall, and renaissance of Dirk Diggler (the unexpectedly excellent breakthrough performance by "Marky" Mark Wahlberg). But it also frames the larger sociological story happening in the background - the self-indulgence of the post-Watergate 1970s falling victim to the career-oriented conservatism of Reagan's 1980s, the death of free love thanks to the reality of AIDS, the feel-good disco generation losing its identity to the nihilism of punk rock and corporate-manufactured rebellion of heavy metal. Boogie Nights is a great character study, but even more importantly, it's a portrait of an era.
The Moral of the Story: Bigger isn't always better.

18. From Russia With Love - Goldfinger might be the best-known (and perhaps most well-liked) Bond film, but for my money, From Russia With Love is the clear high point of the franchise. Even without 007, this would be a great spy movie; the presence of Sean Connery as Bond only makes it that much better. It's got the most realistic plot of all the films in the series, the attache case is plausibly cool without being "gadgety," and the fight scene on the train is still completely exciting to watch. Plus, it's the first Bond movie to have Desmond Llewelyn as "Q." No disrespect to John Cleese, but there will only ever be one "Q," and it's not him. It's also worth pointing out that this movie has the most beautiful Bond girl ever - Daniela Bianchi as Tatiana Romanova. There are other great 007 movies, and even the worst of them have some redeeming qualities, but everything comes into perfect alignment in From Russia With Love.
The Moral of the Story: In the end, the good guy always gets the girl.

17. 12 Monkeys - From what you've seen on this list so far, it's probably not too hard to identify a few things that basically guarantee that I will enjoy a movie, and 12 Monkeys has them all: global human annihilation; time travel; post-societal survivalism; totalitarian governments; Bruce Willis. This was the first movie in which I ever suspected that Brad Pitt was a seriously good actor and not just some pretty boy (a suspicion confirmed by subsequent viewings of Seven (#24) and True Romance (#40) later that year). Terry Gilliam is one of the best directors out there (see also: Brazil, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas); he doesn't do much, but when he does, it's never a letdown - reportedly, he was J.K. Rowling's first choice to do the Harry Potter movies and one can only imagine how much more excellent those would have been with his involvement. But we're not talking about "what if" here. 12 Monkeys is "what is" and what it is, is remarkable on all fronts.
The Moral of the Story: Pre- or post-apocalypse, don't go to Baltimore.

16. The Godfather Part II - This was the first major movie to use "Part 2" in the title; apparently, filmmakers were previously afraid that naming a film in such a way would imply that it was merely an afterthought to an existing movie. That's hardly the case here - yes, The Godfather Part II is a sequel, extending the Michael Corleone story begun in The Godfather, but it's also a prequel, telling the story of young Vito Corleone and the genesis of the family in America. Francis Ford Coppola actually managed to improve the casting from the original, adding Robert DeNiro for the prequel segments and bringing back most of the the original cast for the sequel segments. The fine acting brings the story to life in an immediately compelling way, which keeps the film from dragging despite of its three-and-a-half hour runtime. Really, it's hard to think of anything about this movie that is criticizable - The Godfather Part II is an amazing movie on its own merits and is also one of the few sequels that lives up to and, arguably, might even outshine the original.
The Moral of the Story: Never turn your back on your family.

Tough competition! #11-15 tomorrow. [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 7 (#21-25)

2009-08-17T16:23:00.023-04:00

So far:

50. Total Recall
49. The Wrestler
48. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
47. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
46. The Game
45. Saw
44. Shrek
43. The Hills Have Eyes
42. Fletch
41. The Fifth Element
40. True Romance
39. The Usual Suspects
38. The Dark Knight
37. Evil Dead II
36. Sin City
35. The Silence of the Lambs
34. Office Space
33. Minority Report
32. American Beauty
31. National Lampoon's Animal House
30. Saturday Night Fever
29. Pulp Fiction
28. Iron Man
27. Return of the Jedi
26. V for Vendetta

We're halfway through the list now, and moving right along into the Top 25!

25. Caddyshack - This is the only movie in which Bill Murray and Chevy Chase are onscreen together. The hilarity of that scene alone is enough to put this in the running for the Top 50; what pushes it squarely into the middle of the rankings is the fact that every scene in the movie is equally funny. I could probably make an entire Top 50 list of just the best Caddyshack quotes, but how about these for now: "Don't sell yourself short, Judge, you're a tremendous slouch"; "This is the worst looking hat I ever saw. I bet when you buy a hat like this you get a free bowl of soup! Uh ... it looks good on you, though"; "I got a lot of stuff on order. Credit troubles"; "Remember, two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left." One of the best comedies, and my second-favorite sports movie, of all time.
The Moral of the Story: Be the ball.

24. Seven - There are a couple of bleak movies on this list, but none even come close to matching the darkness of Seven. And when I say that this movie is dark, I mean that on every level. The city sets are strewn with trash, claustrophobic with people, grey with rain. Every character is, at best, empty and unfulfilled on some level or, at worst, downright sociopathic; on that note, it's also the third film on this list that could qualify solely on the strength of Kevin Spacey's performance, although Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt are also fantastic and deserve high praise. The crimes are truly horrific ("lust" is especially disturbing). Nowhere, in fact, in Seven, is there any sense of hope whatsoever - it's just scene after scene of human filth, moral decay, urban rot. It would be laughable to suggest that Seven makes you feel good, but if nothing else, you gotta give it credit for making you feel.
The Moral of the Story: There's no such thing as a happy ending.

23. Die Hard - Action is a tough genre in its purest form. You tend to get "plots" that serve as little more than filler in between car chases, gunfights, over-choreographed martial arts, and so on. You also tend to get "stars" who couldn't act their way out of a wet paper bag and are sorely lacking in charisma (Jason Statham being the major exception; Vin Diesel certainly has the latter but has yet to impress me on the former). Die Hard, on the other hand, is a fast-paced, clever, and fun (if not entirely original or thought-provoking) story and it's made even better with the presence of a good actor: the charming, likeable, and (most importantly) totally badass Bruce Willis as Det. John McClane. Seriously, when he jumps off the exploding roof of Nakatomi Plaza, strapped to a fire hose, machine guns blazing ... so awesome. Action stars don't get any better, and neither do action movies.
The Moral of the Story: The next time you have the chance to kill someone, don't hesitate.

22. Goldfinger - Sure, Goldfinger is a little dated and thanks to Austin Powers, we all chuckle now at some scenes and characters that are meant to be serious. Even after admitting that, though, I just can't overstate how great this movie is. The dialogue is clever without being unbelievably jokey and ridiculous (a flaw that killed nearly every 007 movie with Roger Moore). The plot is relatively plausible, especially by the standards of the Bond series, and it actually makes sense from start to finish, unlike some later entries (ie., Quantum of Solace - I still don't understand what the hell that movie is supposed to be about). This was the first Bond movie to use a lot of gadgets and feature the heavily-modded Aston Martin; even more importantly, Goldfinger was the one that first gave us the line, "Shaken, not stirred." Goldfinger is likely the most well-known Bond movie and, although all of the first five films are amazing, is probably the one that I'd recommend to a franchise newbie.
The Moral of the Story: All that glitters is not gold.

21. Dawn of the Dead - Like The Hills Have Eyes (#43), this is another horror film that got a surprisingly solid remake recently but it's the original that deserves a spot on this list. It couldn't have been easy to follow a classic like Night of the Living Dead, but ten years later (1978), George Romero did exactly that; moreover, not only did he follow it, he surpassed it. As a zombie movie, it's untouchable - perhaps less gruesome than many of its peers (though in no way is it lacking in carnage) but the relative lack of gore doesn't make it any less enjoyable. I'd probably argue, in fact, that it's even more impressive because it relies less on splatter and more on plot. In any case, what really sets Dawn of the Dead apart is the suburban shopping mall setting (Monroeville, PA! Road trip, anyone??) that allows the film to make subtle, subtextual comments on social class and consumerism, themes that were prominent in the 1970s and are still every bit as fresh and relevant today.
The Moral of the Story: In case of a zombie apocalypse, always choose the survival spot with an Orange Julius.

Tomorrow: #16-20. Stay tuned. [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 6 (#26-30)

2009-08-16T18:38:00.012-04:00

Where we've been:

50. Total Recall
49. The Wrestler
48. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
47. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
46. The Game
45. Saw
44. Shrek
43. The Hills Have Eyes
42. Fletch
41. The Fifth Element
40. True Romance
39. The Usual Suspects
38. The Dark Knight
37. Evil Dead II
36. Sin City
35. The Silence of the Lambs
34. Office Space
33. Minority Report
32. American Beauty
31. National Lampoon's Animal House

Where we are today:

30. Saturday Night Fever - When we first got HBO, they used to play two versions of this mega-blockbuster - the original R-rated version and, during the day, an edited PG-rated version that had been theatrically released by Paramount after the astonishing success of the original. Growing up, the sanitized cut of Saturday Night Fever was all I ever knew; even then I thought it was a pretty good movie. Engaging story and characters and, of course, an amazing, hit-packed, era-defining soundtrack. At the time, it just seemed like a feel-good story about down-and-out kids making the best of it. It wasn't until the 2002 theatrical re-release that I saw the real version and realized just how dark and depressing this movie actually is. Sure, the dancing and dreaming are still there - but so is the drug addiction, the foul language, and the date rape. In this form - the only one commercially-available today - Saturday Night Fever shines a harsh light into the darkness and, just like in life, doesn't necessarily get a reflection in return.
The Moral of the Story: Work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching.

29. Pulp Fiction - First things first: has anyone got any idea what is supposed to be in that damned briefcase? That's been driving me crazy for fifteen years, since I first saw Pulp Fiction in the theater. Anyway, this movie is so well-known and so culturally significant that I probably don't need to explain why it made this list. Regardless, here are a few of my favorite things about it: "'What' ain't no country I've ever heard of. Do they speak English in What? ... English, motherfucker, do you speak it??"; the adrenaline injection; Christopher Walken's 'gold watch' monologue; Winston Wolf, the cleaner; the gimp; Fox Force Five. If Quentin Tarantino has his hand in it, it's a pretty sure bet that it's going to rule (aside from Death Proof and the last half of Kill Bill 2, that is), and Pulp Fiction wins that wager handsomely.
The Moral of the Story: Anything that can possibly go wrong, does.

28. Iron Man - Superhero movies exist, generally speaking, in the world of fantasy - radioactive spiders, men from space, schools for mutants. Iron Man is a welcome change of pace, in that it is completely plausible on every level (Batman movies also get some credit here, although the technology sometimes strains the boundaries of credibility). Robert Downey Jr. is excellent as Iron Man, and I can't think of anyone else who could so ably pull off Tony Stark's mix of intelligence, charm, and cockiness. It's also nice to see a movie adaptation that stays true to the idea of the comics while, at the same time, updating/altering them for the big screen (ie., comics set in NYC, movie set in L.A.; comics set during Cold War, movie set in Afghanistan, etc.). This movie also gets much love for awesome extra- and intra-movie cameos (Tony Stark in The Incredible Hulk; Agent Nick Fury in Iron Man) that tie the Marvel movies together and make me suspect that the upcoming Avengers movie is going to be a serious contender for any Top 50 lists I might do down the road. But this review is about Iron Man, and to make a long story short, it's easily the best superhero movie yet.
The Moral of the Story: Brains are better than brawn, but it's best to have both.

27. Return of the Jedi - The first act of Return of the Jedi - Han Solo's rescue and the escape from Jabba's palace on Tatooine - are the most thrilling and flat-out awesome moments ever captured on film. Had George Lucas quit there, Return of the Jedi would have rocketed immediately and permanently to #1 on this list and no other film would have even come close. As it is, though ... not quite. There's nothing really inherently wrong with this movie, it's just that it had the misfortune of following the (far superior) swashbuckling adventure of Star Wars and brooding ambiguity of The Empire Strikes Back. Endor is cool, but not as cool as Bespin, Hoth, Mos Eisley, or Dagobah; Wicket J. Warrick is a fine Muppet, but falls far short of Yoda and doesn't match up to Chewbacca in the 'hairy creatures' category, either; the Speeder Bikes are pretty awesome, but slightly less so than the AT-AT Walkers, Sandcrawlers, Landspeeders, and Cloud Cars ... you see my point. It's certainly ten times better than any of the prequels and I'll gladly watch it any day, any time, but Return of the Jedi is just not quite great enough to justify putting it any higher.
The Moral of the Story: A father's love knows no bounds.

26. V for Vendetta - It's rare enough to find a futuristic political action thriller that is as visually striking as this movie, but it's even more rare to find one whose dialogue is equally inspiring. Many of these lines would fit comfortably alongside any canonic political philosophy text - if someone somewhere isn't offering a "Political Theory in Film" course that includes this movie, I would be shocked. Best line: "Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof." I'm also pretty in love with, "A building is a symbol, as is the act of destroying it. Symbols are given power by the people. A symbol, in and of itself, is powerless, but with enough people behind it, blowing up a building can change the world" and, "People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people." Dialogue like that, combined with such stellar acting and amazing special effects, pretty much guaranteed that V for Vendetta was going to be brilliant, and it is.
The Moral of the Story: One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter.

Where we're going tomorrow: #21-25. [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 5 (#31-35)

2009-08-15T17:36:00.019-04:00

Fifteen down:

50. Total Recall
49. The Wrestler
48. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
47. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
46. The Game
45. Saw
44. Shrek
43. The Hills Have Eyes
42. Fletch
41. The Fifth Element
40. True Romance
39. The Usual Suspects
38. The Dark Knight
37. Evil Dead II
36. Sin City

Five more for today:

35. The Silence of the Lambs - It was hard to determine where to rank The Silence of the Lambs. On one hand, almost everything about the movie is brilliant. The story is fast-paced, engaging, and, while not particularly shocking, always keeps you on the edge of your seat. No matter how often you see it, the night-vision scene is still uncomfortably creepy and suspenseful. And I can't think of any better villain than Hannibal Lecter, who is equally repulsive and likeable, and delivers the best closing line ever captured on film ("I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner."). On the other hand, the film's only real flaw is a biggie: Jodie Foster's "accent" is laughably bad, sounding constantly like someone using a fake voice. Put a better actress in the lead role and The Silence of the Lambs could easily, easily have risen into the top five; as it exists, I think this is the perfect placement for it.
The Moral of the Story: Never offer roadside assistance to anyone driving a van.

34. Office Space - Just about every minute of Office Space offers some new, compelling piece of evidence for its inclusion on this list, but none is finer than the following exchange, which perfectly captures, I think, man's near-universal attitude towards work:

Consultant - "It looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately."
Peter - "I wouldn't say I've been 'missing' it."

Need more? How about Lumbergh, the O-Face, the Jump to Conclusions Mat, "two chicks at the same time", and, of course, "... I realized that ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's the worst day of my life." Office Space is realistic and relatable, always hilarious, and I'm hard-pressed to think of many better comedies.
The Moral of the Story: Work is the curse of the drinking classes. And everyone else, too.

33. Minority Report - You can't really go wrong with Philip K. Dick as your source material - Blade Runner, anyone? - and with Steven Spielberg directing; it should go without saying that the script and direction are second to none. In addition, the sets, costume design, and effects are plausibly futuristic - this is one of the few sci-fi movies that looks like it is set in a world that we might realistically inhabit one day. It's also refreshing to see a major Hollywood hit raise the question of free will vs. determinism and not be too heavy-handed in its attempts both to arrive at an answer and to assess the moral implications that the debate raises. The only potentially fatal flaw in Minority Report was the presence of Tom Cruise (the fourth worst actor, and sixth most annoying celebrity, of all time), but for once, he rose to the occasion and completely nailed it. Kudos.
The Moral of the Story: A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.

32. American Beauty - Like The Wrestler (#49), American Beauty is a poignant look at one man's attempts to reconnect with his youthful glory years. The reason that American Beauty ranks higher is that it is also a movie about the death of the modern family, changing gender roles, and the undercurrent of moral corruption in suburbia; in short, it's the story of the rise and fall of the American Dream. With a lesser cast, the ambition of the script could have gone unfulfilled or, even worse, become ridiculously overwrought; clearly, this was not the case here. Quite the opposite, in fact - the acting is subtly nuanced, almost understated, which not only creates an extraordinary sense of realism but also perfectly illustrates the larger messages about resignation and acceptance. In this and other ways, American Beauty is part comedy and part drama, but is always thought-provoking and emotionally involving.
The Moral of the Story: You can't go home again.

31. National Lampoon's Animal House - Innovation is (almost) always better than imitation, no matter how good. This movie is no exception: Animal House was the first comedy to really push the limits of so-called 'good taste' (the popping zit, the horse in the office, Otter with the Dean's wife and then impersonating a grieving boyfriend, "you mind if we dance with your dates?", and on and on) and now, more than 30 years later, it's still as fresh and entertaining as ever. Where it excels - and where the great majority of its followers failed - is that the crass humor is always used to serve the scene, not as the entire point of the scene itself. Plus, it's fun to see a movie in which there's no attempt whatsoever to subtly shade the characters - the good guys are the good guys, the bad guys are assholes, no exceptions. The best of both: Tim Matheson as Otter (though you can't help but love John Belushi as Bluto Blutarsky) and Mark Metcalf as Niedermayer (later, of course, reinvented in two fantastically silly Twisted Sister videos).
The Moral of the Story: When things seem hopeless? Toga party. When things are hopeless? Road trip.

Stay tuned - #26-30 tomorrow. [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 4 (#36-40)

2009-08-14T14:21:00.007-04:00

The top fifty, so far, are:

50. Total Recall
49. The Wrestler
48. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
47. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
46. The Game
45. Saw
44. Shrek
43. The Hills Have Eyes
42. Fletch
41. The Fifth Element

Marching on:

40. True Romance - I could say a million good things about the story and the dialogue and the cinematography, but you can't discuss True Romance properly without talking about the casting. Off the top of my head, I can't immediately think of a movie with more star power, even in the smallest roles. Special recognition goes to Brad Pitt as Floyd the stoney roommate ("Get some beer ... and some cleaning products ..."), Christopher Walken as the mafia lawyer ("I'm the anti-Christ and you got me in a vendetta kind of mood."), and the never-disappointing Gary Oldman as Drexel the pimp ("He must've thought today was white boy day. It ain't white boy day today, is it?"), but really, there's no one out of their league here. Written (but not directed) by Quentin Tarantino, True Romance is the dictionary definition of what a love story should be. That is to say, it's full of guns, cocaine, Los Angeles, and vulgar language. I guess that makes this a "chick flick" for dudes?
The Moral of the Story: All you need is love. Love is all you need.

39. The Usual Suspects - "Who is Keyser Soze?" was one of the best marketing campaigns I can remember, and the buzz around this movie seems, in retrospect, much more organic and honest than the whole "midnight screening event" thing that has taken hold of the movie industry. The Usual Suspects is one of the rare cases in which the movie lives up to and exceeds the expectations created by the hype. It's got one of the most engaging stories on this list, exceptional acting (Kevin Spacey, of course, is amazing, but the entire cast owns it), and you just can't say enough about the ending. If I were making a list of the best plot twists of all time, this would easily be in the top five, if not number one - no matter how many times I watch this movie, watching it all unfold never gets any less enjoyable.
The Moral of the Story: Never judge a book by its cover.

38. The Dark Knight - Everybody loses their mind over Heath Ledger's performance as The Joker, which is certainly understandable but a bit of a disservice to the rest of the cast. Honestly, every time I watch this movie, it's Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent/Two-Face that really blows me away. And whenever Gary Oldman is in something, he is great and the movie usually is, too. As far as huge-budget blockbuster films, it doesn't get any better than this but there's one problem with The Dark Knight that kept it from ranking higher on the list: Christian Bale as Batman. Don't get me wrong - I think he's a good actor, and he's definitely handsome and charming enough to be peerless as Bruce Wayne. But then he puts on the Batman suit and drops his voice an octave and it's just a little too over-the-top for my taste. In the grand scheme of things, this is still a freaking excellent movie, though.
The Moral of the Story: When life hands you lemons, flip out and go psychotic.

37. Evil Dead II - All three of the movies in the Evil Dead series made my short list, and any could have easily made the top fifty - for that matter, Sam Raimi's lesser-appreciated but equally magnificent Darkman also could have made the cut. But I only had one space open so I went with the middle installment of the trilogy primarily because it is, hands down, the single most bizarre movie I have ever seen in my life: demonic tree possessions; limbs self-severed by, and replaced with, a chainsaw; flying eyeballs; the boomstick; a teleportation vortex back to the Middle Ages. Yet no matter how off-the-wall the plot becomes, it never gets unfocused or loses the balance between horror and humor. Topping it all off: Bruce Campbell, the only man alive who can say "groovy" and still be cool.
The Moral of the Story: Always expect the unexpected.

36. Sin City - Most books lose something in translation to film. This is especially true for graphic novels, which are already so tightly bound to images and visual composition that it's hard to either reinvent them or to recreate them faithfully. Sin City is the exception to that rule. Robert Rodriguez (and, to a lesser extent, Quentin Tarantino and series creator Frank Miller) beautifully recreated the world of the novel, shooting most of the movie digitally against green screens to allow him to fill in the backgrounds with the radical camera angles and semi-exaggerated set pieces in the original work. The high-contrast black and white presentation - using only brief flashes of color from scene to scene - is absolutely gorgeous to watch; of all the films on this list, this might well be my favorite, aesthetically. It would also land somewhere on my list for "best casting" - Bruce Willis, Benicio Del Toro, Michael Clarke Duncan, Clive Owen, and another amazing comeback performance by Mickey Rourke, to name just a few. Just about every minute of Sin City is filled with something awesome and it's about as close to flawless as movies get.
The Moral of the Story: Crime doesn't pay, except when it does.

Tomorrow: #31-35. [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 3 (#41-45)

2009-08-13T19:33:00.012-04:00

To recap so far:

50. Total Recall
49. The Wrestler
48. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
47. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
46. The Game

And now, today's installment:

45. Saw - It's not always easy to be a fan of the horror genre. There's not a lot of new ground to cover at this point, and most modern efforts tend to confuse unique, escalating violence with actual innovation (see, for instance, the entire "torture porn" movement). Saw, on the other hand, was, and still is, a story unlike any other: without skimping on the gore, it also gives us unforeseeable plot turns, social commentary, and a serial-killing antihero whose raison d'etre is, frankly, kind of admirable. It almost seems like a disservice to the film to simply label it "horror," since it's so much smarter (and better) than most of the rest of the genre. In addition, the set design is flawless - every location is realistically dirty and Jigsaw's contraptions look like they could actually work. Saw is an ambitious film on every level and although none of its sequels have lived up to its promise (though several are quite good), there's no denying the greatness of the original.
The Moral of the Story: The unexamined life is not worth living.

44. Shrek - Why is Shrek such a great movie? Partly because it's made for children but aimed at adults, and somehow manages to never pander to either. Partly because it's full of clever and hip pop culture references without being like, "oh, wink wink, look at us and how clever and hip we're being with our pop culture references." Partly because it is, simultaneously, a fairy tale, a love story, a buddy movie, an adventure movie, and a comedy. Partly because it's one of the few movies of the last twenty years (along with Life and Bowfinger) that prove that Eddie Murphy, once the greatest stand-up comedian in the world, still has the potential to be funny. And partly because no matter how many times I see it - and with a four-year-old running around, believe me, I've seen it a lot - it never gets old and I still laugh every time.
The Moral of the Story: It isn't easy being green.

43. The Hills Have Eyes - The 2006 remake was surprisingly good, but it's the 1977 original that takes the prize here. Wes Craven's directorial resume is nothing if not a who's who list of outstanding horror films (the atrocious Vampire in Brooklyn being the exception) and this, his second film, is the best of the bunch. Made for less than a quarter million dollars and using relatively unknown actors, The Hills Have Eyes looks and feels like you're watching a real event unfold; the plausibility of the plot and solid writing and acting support that sense of realism handsomely. Perhaps that's why it is still so genuinely creepy and frightening 30+ years, and repeated viewings, later. Or maybe it's the mutated cannibal rape and infant snatching scene - a shocking sequence that modern horror films, in spite of their escalating gore and tendency towards the extreme, have yet to better. Also, this one has the best horror movie poster tag line ever: "They wanted to see something different ... but something different saw them first." Awesome.
The Moral of the Story: Never take a road trip without your AAA card. And an arsenal.

42. Fletch - Hard to believe now, but once upon a time, Chevy Chase was an unstoppable comedy god. Deadpan condescension has never been done better, and this film is his tour de force performance: Dr. Rosenrosen, John Cocktoastan, Mr. Poon, "the familiar red Oldsmobuick of one Arnold J. Pants, esquire", "you don't mean Communists, do you, Sam?" I guess I should admit that I tried really hard to master this kind of quick-witted, understated delivery as a kid (Fletch was released when I was 12). I don't know how successful I was, but after watching this one again, I'm struck by just how many of the lines from this movie have become part of my everyday vernacular. Having said that, though, it's important to note that Fletch is about more than just one-liners. The script, based on the novel by Gregory McDonald, is engaging and clever; aside from the jokes, it's actually a pretty decent little mystery movie. It's definitely worth adding to your movie collection even if you're strapped for cash these days - just charge it to the Underhill's bill!
The Moral of the Story: If you don't like who you are, just be someone else.

41. The Fifth Element - In a nutshell, this one is about a plot to eradicate humanity that can only be stopped by a superhuman perfect being who appears in the form of a beautiful girl; she is aided in her quest by an awkward, bungling priest and a bad-ass cabbie/former Army major. They are thwarted by a wealthy, corrupt arms dealer who makes deals with forces of pure evil, and everything comes to a climax on an interstellar cruise hosted by a flamboyant radio DJ who sings Lionel Richie songs. Oh, and did I mention that the latter three roles are played by Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman, and Chris Tucker? And that it was written and directed by the peerless Frenchman Luc Besson? And that Jean-Paul Gaultier did all the costumes? I did the math twice here, and I have to tell you, I don't see any way that The Fifth Element could add up to anything other than completely brilliant and amazing. And that it is, indeed.
The Moral of the Story: Nothing good ever comes of a night at the opera.

Coming tomorrow, #36-40. [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 2 (#46-50)

2009-08-12T16:42:00.015-04:00

No need for a long intro here; let's just jump right in:

50. Total Recall - Let's get something straight: Arnold Schwarzenegger is not a bad actor (a claim that is, you understand, very different than saying that he is a good actor, which he is also not) but his success in a role is heavily dependent on his script. Give him something good, like Predator or The Running Man, and you'll get something good; give him something bad, like any of his "comedies," and it's the cinematic equivalent of swine flu. So what happens when you give him something great? Total Recall, that's what. Thought-provoking and intelligent, but still fast-paced and full of futuristic gadgets, cool effects, and cinematic action hero bon mots (ie., "Consider that a divorce."); this is a model of what all sci-fi should aspire to be.
The Moral of the Story: Everyone goes on vacation and hates to come home. Be careful what you wish for.

49. The Wrestler - Jessica will tell you, I couldn't stop talking about this one for a solid week after we saw it, and even now, writing this, I'm still fairly moved. Darren Aronofsky knows a thing or two about affecting his audience with multidimensional characters and gorgeous cinematography; this movie demonstrates that even more so than his others. The title character - outstandingly portrayed by Mickey Rourke in an unexpected but welcome late-career resurgence - is the epitome of a fuck-up who lives in the past, but he's so charismatically sincere and well-meaning that you can't help but root for him all the way. This film perfectly illustrates one of the most basic human experiences: we all have to grow up, move on, let go, and accept our pasts; The Wrestler is about one man's struggle to do just that. Bonus points for an ambiguous ending that lets the audience decide the outcome, followed by Springsteen's brooding, Nebraska-esque title song.
The Moral of the Story: Maybe it actually is better to have never loved at all than to have loved and lost.

48. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Jim Carrey started to get existential on us in The Truman Show and really, these two movies explore the same themes from different angles - The Truman Show about seeking out the present and future truth as it actually is, Eternal Sunshine about creating your own present and future truth by reinventing what came before. Really, both of these movies are excellent and it wasn't easy to pick one over the other, but ultimately, I chose Eternal Sunshine because Michel Gondry is an important and groundbreaking director, Charlie Kaufman's scripts never fail to make an emotional connection with the audience, and the last part ("Meet me in Montauk") is, without question, one of the most heartbreaking sequences ever put to film. I tear up every time, don't you?
The Moral of the Story: We'd all like to erase our memories of Ace Ventura, but maybe we shouldn't.

47. Ferris Bueller's Day Off - John Hughes was untouchable in the 80s and although there's also a pretty solid argument to be made in favor of Sixteen Candles, this one gets the nod as the best of the bunch for one reason: it's universal. Every one of us, at any age - school, work, retirement - has, at some point or another, fantasized about a day exactly like this. A day of total irresponsibility, of wild abandon, of getting one over on authority, of living life completely and absolutely in the current moment. Moreover, you can't deny the lasting impact that Ferris Bueller had on pop culture: "Bueller ... Bueller ... Bueller"; Save Ferris; "... something-d-o-o-economics ... voodoo economics"; Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago; "If you had a car like this, would you take it back right away?" And if all that isn't enough to convince you of this film's genius, I have two words for you: Ed Rooney.
The Moral of the Story: Anything is possible with a good friend, a beautiful girl, a shit-hot car, and absolutely no plan.

46. The Game - Of all the films on the list, this is the one that most people probably haven't heard of, and that's a real shame. Michael Douglas and Sean Penn star - reason enough, I think, to go look it up, no? - as brothers who become involved with a company called Consumer Recreation Services that crafts real-life adventures for the bored and wealthy. In that sense, I guess, it's sort of loosely similar to the plot of Total Recall, but the similarities end there: this is a real-world thriller, full of unexpected (and, more importantly, unpredictable) plot twists, set in San Francisco in the late 1990s. Some critics compared it to "The Twilight Zone"; I'm more inclined to call it the logical heir to Alfred Hitchcock. High praise in either case (and damn fine company to keep!), and this one more than lives up to it. Fantastic.
The Moral of the Story: Trust no one.

Up next: #41-45. [[justin]]

The 50 Greatest Movies of All Time, pt. 1

2009-08-11T19:27:00.009-04:00

Jessica and I recently decided to, over the next year or so, make our way through the AFI Top 100 Movies list. While looking at the list, though, two things struck me. First, I've already seen about half of them. Second, I would only put about ten of their choices on my list of the greatest movies of the last 100 years. So what better way to inaugurate The Front Burner, v.2, than with my own list of the 50 greatest movies of all time?

Before we start, though, I should point out straight away that I'm neither a film critic, nor a film student, nor a filmmaker; I'm not trying to assess these movies on any standard other than my own subjective assessment of their rank-ordered greatness. So there are lots of films that, while I love them and certainly agree that they are technically brilliant (Blade Runner) or culturally significant (It's A Wonderful Life) or genre defining (pretty much anything by Alfred Hitchcock) or paradigm shifting (Citizen Kane), just didn't make the cut. Also, I decided to do a Top 50 rather than a Top 100, mostly because, after going through my DVD collection and a bunch of critics' and bloggers' lists, I could only come up with about 60 movies that I would consider "great" enough to merit inclusion. So why pad the list just to get to an even hundred? Plus, with fewer movies to write about, I'll have more time to talk a little bit about each, and why I love them so much.

It should, of course, go without saying that I fully endorse every movie on this list and would recommend all of them without hesitation to everyone reading. Argue or agree with the ones you've seen, and make a beeline to your Netflix queue on the rest. I welcome your comments and recommendations on films I might have missed along the way!

I'll be posting five movies per day, in ascending order, beginning tomorrow. Today, I thought I'd look at a few of the near-misses; six movies that for one reason or another just didn't quite make the cut.

The Near-Misses
(in no particular order)

* Gremlins - You could put this anywhere on your list and I wouldn't argue: it's a Christmas movie that isn't about Christmas; a horror movie for kids; a comedy about violence. It pretty much hits everything that I like in a movie - anarchy, laughs, scares, sentimentality, Phoebe Cates. The effects still look cool (and believable!) and the Mogwai are adorable without being adorable, if you know what I mean. Dropping this was, therefore, a real heartbreaker but, put up against the other movies in the Top 50, I couldn't find anything that in a head to head match, I didn't like just a tiny little bit better. So let's call this our honorary mention and put it at number fifty-one.
The Moral of the Story: High maintenance pets + low responsibility kids = chaos.

* A Christmas Story and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - "The Old Man" and Clark Griswold are my two favorite movie dads. A Christmas Story is every bit as much of a sentimental classic as any other holiday movie; for my money, it's the best Christmas movie of all-time. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is sweet in its own way, and is still as hilarious as it was when it was released twenty years ago. Plus, Randy Quaid steals every scene of every movie he's in, so the second half of this movie, after Cousin Eddie arrives, is pure comedy gold. I watch both of these movies multiple times every Christmas. Ironically, that's the only reason they didn't make the Top 50 - because I only watch them at Christmastime. The greatest movies of all time, it seems to me, should probably have year-round appeal.
The Moral of the Story: (ACS) You can always count on your family to make the holidays magical. (NLCV) You can always count on your family to make the holidays stressful.

* Requiem for a Dream - The first time I saw this movie, I felt sick to my stomach at the end. Subsequent viewings have been less visceral, but no less disturbing. Every piece falls into place perfectly here - beautiful direction (Darren Aronofsky is easily my favorite modern director), great acting (who knew that a Wayans brother could do anything other than comedy? Nice casting, that.), and superb rapid-cut editing and sound design, especially during the final act. There's really nothing wrong with this movie, other than the fact that it is so relentlessly intense that I rarely find myself in the headspace to want to watch it. Artistically, that's probably strong evidence for its inclusion rather than its exclusion, but like the Christmas movies, I kind of felt like the Top 50 should be ones that I could watch any day, any time.
The Moral of the Story: Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

* Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - I'm a little sad that Johnny Depp didn't land anywhere on my list because he's probably the best actor out there nowadays and his sense of quality control is usually pretty solid (see also: Blow, Donnie Brasco, Ed Wood, Edward Scissorhands, Dead Man). And since we're paying tribute to actors, let's not forget the ever-excellent Benicio Del Toro - who does show up in the Top 50 - barely recognizable here as Dr. Gonzo. Pretty much every piece of dialogue in this movie is a quotable, portable manifesto for social deviants (ie., "As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special music. Acapulco shirts."), but this is definitely an exercise in pulling the wheat (the movie) from the chaff (the book) - Hunter S. Thompson's writing is an acquired taste, and although I love the movie, I'm not really too big on much of the narration. A worthy film, no doubt, but not quite up to the standards of the big list.
The Moral of the Story: Drugs are good, mmmkay?

* Ghostbusters - This is an ensemble film but make no mistake about it, Ghostbusters is Bill Murray's show. I like pretty much all of his movies, although I have to admit, I prefer his early populist comedy era (this, Stripes, Meatballs, etc.) to his current "serious actor" incarnation (Broken Flowers, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Lost in Translation, etc.). There's a lot more to this movie than just Dr. Peter Venkman, though: great performances from the entire cast (especially Rick Moranis as Louis Tully/Vinz Clortho, The Keymaster), a clever and relatively plausible story, a sweet car and headquarters, and perhaps the coolest theme song in movie history. Unfortunately, we watched this movie after its recent Blu-Ray release and while all the aforementioned elements stood the test of time, the special effects most definitely did not. Even judged against the standards of the then-existing technology, Gozer and the proton packs look fairly low budget and, frankly, cheesy. True, that didn't make the movie any less enjoyable, but it did make it a little less cool.
The Moral of the Story: If that swanky NYC apartment seems too good to be true, it probably is.

So there you have it, the six that just missed the cut. Coming tomorrow, we'll start the actual list with #46-50. [[justin]]

Reinventing the Wheel

2009-08-10T20:30:00.002-04:00

It's mighty hard to write a cooking/food blog when you live in Philadelphia, on the fourth floor, with no air conditioning, in the summer; under those conditions, I can think of many things we'd rather do than run a 400 degree oven for an hour! I offer that statement both as an apology and a reason for our neglect of the blog recently. That, and, frankly, I think we were both feeling a little bit limited by the tight constraints of TFB as it existed - a strictly culinary blog doesn't really leave room for the other topics we might be interested in discussing here: who's the most overrated artist of the 20th century; is Radiohead better with guitars or computers; why is Sarah Palin such an unredeemable toolbox? Fear not, we still want to share our favorite recipes and restaurants with you. But from here on out, we'll be doing more, and different, things with it. We hope you enjoy it as much as we think we will.

More to follow. [[justin and jessica]]

Daddy-o

2009-06-21T21:06:00.008-04:00

"Think about your dad! I wanna meet that dad!"
But seriously, today is the day you think about your dad and hopefully reflect on the good, bad, and horrifically embarrassing yet hysterical moments of your youth.
Personally, my dad likes to sneak random canned food items into my purse before I leave the house, so every time I see a 24oz can of fire roasted stewed tomatoes I think of him.
Thanks Dad.
And if your dad is like my dad, it's impossible to shop for him so I made him a sweet thing instead. This recipe is a little labor intensive, but so is parenting so it's worth the effort. [[jessica]]

Sugar Daddy Vegan Toffee Bars
Crust:
Cooking Spray for the pan
1/2 cup of firmly packed brown sugar
4 Tb vegan margarine
1 1/2 tsp egg replacer and 2 Tb warm water, blended
1 cup flour
1/4 tsp salt

Sugar Daddy Toffee Layer:
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup corn syrup
1/2 cup evaporated soy milk*
4 Tb vegan margarine
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Chocolate Topping:
12 oz. semi-sweet chocolate
1 Tb brown sugar (optional)
1 cup pecans (optional)

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly spray 9x13 in baking pan with cooking spray.
- To make crust, beat brown sugar and v. margarine in a medium bowl with an electric mixer until blended. Add the egg replacer mix and continue to beat. On a low speed add the flour and salt, beat just until the mixture forms fine crumbs.
Press the dough evenly into the bottom of the baking pan.
-Bake crust 12-15 minutes or until golden brown. When done, remove from oven and keep oven on.
- To make the toffee layer, combine brown sugar, corn syrup, evaporated soy milk, and v. margarine in a heavy-bottomed sauce pan. Attach a candy thermometer to the side of sauce pan. Cook on medium heat stirring occasionally with a wooden spoon to prevent scorching, until the toffee reaches 265 degree, about 10 minutes. Stir in the vanilla and spread the toffee evenly over the crust.
Bake until bubbling throughout, about 10 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool.
-Combine the chocolate and brown sugar in a double boiler or heat proof bowl nested on top of a sauce pan of boil water (make sure the bowl does not touch the water as it will scorch the chocolate). Stir occasionally until the chocolate melts. Remove from the heat. Spread the chocolate evenly over the toffee layer and sprinkle with pecans.
-Let cool and chill until chocolate layer sets.

*Evaporated Soy Milk
1 1/2 cups soy milk
-Put in a sauce pan and bring to a boil, stirring constantly until it reduces to 1/2 cup
-let sit approximately 5 minutes to set

Let's not forget our fellow Frontburner blogger this father's day...

Happy Father's Day Justin!

Songs About Food: The Flaming Lips

2009-05-25T00:02:00.002-04:00

"... she'll make you breakfast, she'll make you toast but she don't use butter, she don't use cheese, she don't use jelly or any of these ..."

The 90s were a great decade for music for a number of reasons, not least of which was that bands wrote novelty songs that were actually funny without being completely stupid. Need examples? OK, here are three: Gary Young's "Plantman," Tripping Daisy's "I Got A Girl," and, of course, this week's entry, The Flaming Lips' "She Don't Use Jelly." Sure, they were silly, but there were real songs behind the smirks - just watch this amazing piano/vocal rendition of "Jelly" for proof of that. Plus, who can argue with a song about toast, tangerines, and Cher?!? [[justin]]

Happy Family

2009-05-21T21:22:00.001-04:00

Though I may not be "sitting here in Queens, eating refried beans" (I'm in Philadelphia, drinking ginger beer) I still feel that, like the Ramones, the world is a better place for having refried beans in it. These beans make my family happy; they're great as a burrito filler, nacho topper, or Triscuit/corn chip companion. [[jessica]]

Oh-So Punk Refried Black Beans
1 15 oz can black beans, including liquid.
1 Tb margarine
1/4 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp minced garlic
1/4 tsp onion powder
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
1 Tb chopped fresh cilantro
Salt and Pepper to taste

- Heat margarine in a non stick skillet on medium heat.
- Add spices and cook until fragrant, about 2 minutes.
- In a separate bowl mash the beans until you reach a chunky paste consistency,
leaving some beans still intact.
- Add to skillet with spice mixture and continue to cook until heat through
- Stir in cilantro and serve warm.

Songs About Food: The Ramones

2009-05-18T08:50:00.003-04:00

"... sitting here in Queens, eating refried beans ..."

How can you argue with a band who made a twenty year career out of two-minute songs about pinheads, mental illness, and, of course, food? From Burger King to chicken vindaloo to this week's entry, refried beans, the Ramones were to New York what Descendents were to Southern California, and the world is a better place for having had them in it. Sure, their legend was tarnished when Johnny said, sincerely, "God bless George W. Bush" during his Rock and Roll Hall of Fame acceptance speech, but with songs as great as this, I'm willing to let it slide. Gabba Gabba Hey! [[justin]]

Re: Yesterday's Recipe

2009-05-16T00:01:00.001-04:00

A brief list of people who love Jessica's Peanut Butter Chocolate Bites of Spicy Love cookies:

1. Me
2. This guy:

I love me some cookies. Damn. [[justin]]

Peanut Butter Chocolate Bites of Spicy Love

2009-05-15T01:00:00.000-04:00

For the past two months I have been on a total cookie binge. I have dreams about cookies. The mere mention of cookies makes my mouth water. The notion of "cookie dinner" is the highlight of my day. My personal preference is classic chocolate chip - slightly chewy, not too crunchy, lots of chocolate - but in all honesty, I will probably eat any cookie that's within arm's reach. Don't judge. I have little self control; only slightly more than Justin, who is a self-proclaimed cookie monster with no willpower. Cookies are truly his sweet, crunchy, tasty Kryptonite. Why do you think he's so nice to me? Really, it's only because I bake him cookies. Remember that the next time you need a favor. Or just make these and be happy:

Peanut Butter Chocolate Bites of Spicy Love
1 cup flour
3 Tb cocoa powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup sugar
2 Tb Agave
2 Tb vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons unsweetened apple sauce (15 ml)
1/2 cup natural peanut butter
sugar for garnish

- Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
- In a mixing bowl stir together flour, cocoa powder, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt.
- In a second bowl mix sugar, agave, vegetable oil, vanilla, apple sauce, and natural peanut butter. Stir until smooth.
- Add flour mixture to sugar mixture and stir until mixed into a dough.
- Form dough into 16 equal pieces and shape into balls. Press down slightly to make neat mounds.
- Place 2 inches apart on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Sprinkle tops with sugar.
- Cook for 12 minutes.

Enjoy! [[jessica]]

I Like Spring. I Like Greens

2009-05-13T10:00:00.006-04:00

"I like food. Food tastes good": I couldn't write a better lyric if I tried. Seriously. This hunger-inducing song evokes thoughts of eating my favorite foods; currently, all things green and spicy. The Descendents also remind me of my college days when things were simpler, not quite as tasty, and the only vegan option in the dining hall was the vat of canned vegetable chili. It was passable vegan meal when topped with some uncooked tofu from the salad bar. I cannot express how happy I am to have access to a full kitchen again and recipe is in honor of those sad attempts at healthy living and fervent activism.

I got the idea for Spring Green Chili by mixing two of my favorite things: salsa verde and classic vegetarian chili. Instead of using red tomatoes I used tomatillos - a small, green-husked tomato relative from Mexico (tomate verde). You can find them in most produce markets and some supermarkets. When you can, always try to use fresh, herbs and vegetables.

This recipe is very flexible: Don't have peas? Use some edamame. Adverse to all things cilantro? Then try chopped spinach or kale. It's a good opportunity to experiment, so let me know what you come up with! [[jessica]]

Spring Green Chili
1 jalapeno, seeded and minced
1 bell pepper, diced
6-8 tomatillos, rinsed and diced
1 medium onion, diced
2 stalks celery, diced
1 Tb oil
1 Tb minced garlic
2 tsp adobo seasoning
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 bunch cilantro, chopped
1 can pinto beans (and liquid)
1 cup corn
1/2 cup peas
2 Tb nutritional yeast
1 veggie bouillon
1 Tb soy sauce
2 tsp agave
2 tsp vinegar
black pepper to taste

- Heat oil in a nonstick pot.
- Add the onion, peppers, celery, and garlic and saute until tender, stirring occasionally, about 5 minutes.
- Add the seasoning and tomatillos and cook down, about 3 minutes.
- Add the remaining ingredients (plus 1/2 cup water if too thick). Adjust seasoning to your taste.
- Let simmer on low heat at least a half hour to allow flavors to brighten.
- Serve hot with corn bread, rice, or grits.

Songs About Food: Descendents

2009-05-11T07:00:00.003-04:00

"... I like food. Food tastes good ..."

The singer has a PhD in biochemistry and once said that his favorite songwriting topics are "relationships and food." Their merch store offers a supremely boss pair of completely vegan Vans (I wear size 9.5, FYI). The official band FAQ says that they drink, collectively, eighteen pots of coffee every day. Maybe this helps explain why, like, ninety percent of their songs fall far short of the three-minute mark? I could go on and on, but I think you're getting the point. If you're not already on board with Descendents, you're missing something truly, truly wonderful. "Thou shalt not commit adulthood." ALL! [[justin]]

Disappointment to Disappointment: I Can't Wait to See What Tomorrow Holds

2009-05-07T19:22:00.014-04:00

Manny Ramirez: the latest MLB steroid casualty. At this point, I can't say that I'm surprised but I sure am disappointed. He was a superstar, but not a superhuman; his numbers were strong enough to make him one of the greats, but not so much so that you would immediately assume that he was juiced. Career high home runs? 45, twice, 1998 with Cleveland and 2005 with the Red Sox. Career high batting average? .351, in 2000, his last season as an Indian. Overall numbers (15+ seasons, including 2009 games): 2400+ hits, 533 home runs, .315 average. Not so far removed from, for example, the great Frank Robinson (2943 hits, 586 home runs, .294 batting average), whose irritation with being passed by Barry Bonds on the all-time home run list is starting to seem more and more reasonable with every new revelation. McGwire, Bonds, Clemens, A-Rod, Manny; major league baseball is now only marginally more legitimate than pro wrestling, and that is indeed a sad development.

The revelations about Manny were the second major disappointment I suffered in the past 24 hours. Prior to that, I was trying to go two-for-two with excellent Mexican ("Mexcellent"?) food by following our completely satisfying trip to Mission Burrito with Adobe Cafe (1919 East Passyunk Ave, South Philly, (215) 483-3947). But this wasn't just a post-home run strikeout; our dinner at Adobe was like following a homer by lining into an unassisted triple play.

First things first. Upon opening the front door, we were greeted by a strong bleach smell and a total absence of waitstaff. Not a good sign. Five minutes passed before we decided to take a walk around the neighborhood and come back later, thinking that maybe they were just opening late after a long Cinco de Mayo celebration the night before. Poor form, but things looked up a bit upon our return. The bartender gave us a friendly greeting and seated us immediately, our waitress was cheerful and personable (and totally shared Jessica's haircut!), the menu had an extensive selection of veg/vegan options, and the chips and salsa were better than average. Reread the previous sentence; it's the last positive thing I'm going to say for the rest of this review.

We ordered two meals, seitan enchiladas and a fire-roasted tofu sandwich. I don't even know where to start with the sandwich. The entire thing was a mess. The tofu, other than black grill marks on both sides, had minimal seasoning and no flavor. "Cooked" like that, it's no wonder that carnivores make fun of us. Hoping to salvage it, I spooned on a liberal dose of the cilantro pesto sauce. One bite and, no joke, I thought I was going to hurl right there on the table. Either that pesto was spoiled or that chef needs to consider alternate career options. Truly one of the foulest tastes I've ever encountered. On the bright side, the fries were at least edible, if wholly unremarkable.

The enchiladas were better in comparison, but that's not saying much. The tortillas were soggy, the seitan was overcooked, tough, and chewy, and the sauce was only lukewarm. I'm actually fairly certain that the sauce came right out of a can, but I'm having a hard time putting my finger on the brand. Much the same could be said for the beans and rice on the side; they looked and tasted like they were right off a supermarket shelf, without even a minimal effort made to customize or alter the flavors. This was simultaneously annoying and relieving - annoying, because I didn't drive to South Philly for a store-bought taste; relieving, because unlike most of the rest of the food we ordered, these items were at least somewhat tasty.

The bill, including tip, came out to $30. For that same money, we could have easily gotten two equally filling and exponentially better-tasting meals at Fu-Wah, or just gotten groceries and cooked at home, with leftovers. Either would have made for a far more enjoyable meal. I can't say that this was the worst meal I've ever eaten, believe it or not, but it was easily in the top five. Avoid at all costs. [[justin]]

Presidential Peach Salsa

2009-05-05T07:48:00.004-04:00

This week's song inspired a concoction that's both presidential and peachy because:

a) it's boss
b) there are peaches in it
c) it's saucy, sweet, refreshing, and full of confidence - just like our President.

This is a great recipe when you want to break free from the tomato salsa monotony and wow some friends at a gathering. We ate it with organic corn chips but you could use it on bean burritos or get sassy and do some sweet and spicy nachos. Take this recipe and think outside the box, or jar.
[[jessica]]

Presidential Peach Salsa
1/4 cup onion, diced
2 cups peaches, skinned and cubed
1/4 cup fresh cilantro, minced
1 Tb fresh basil, minced
1 jalapeno minced and seeded
2 Tb orange juice
2 Tb lime juice
1/2 tsp sea salt

- In a medium bowl, combine all ingredients and toss well.
- Refrigerate for at least 1 hour to allow flavors to marry. Note that the jalapeno will slowly heat up, so wait before adding more if at first it's not spicy enough. Serve cold.

Songs About Food: The Presidents of the USA

2009-05-04T01:10:00.001-04:00

"... movin' to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches ..."
It was hot last weekend. In the eighties. And I don't mean that like when you ask a hipster why they're wearing orange stretch pants with a lime green sweater and white sunglasses and they say, "because this look is hot like in the 80s!" No, I mean that it was a mini-heatwave with temperatures nearing ninety degrees Fahrenheit. Also, that look was stupid then and it's stupid now. Anyway. Summer weather always makes me want to eat fruit. Peaches are one of my favorites and apparently, the Presidents of the United States of America feel the same way. There's really nothing I don't love about this band, but I'm especially fond of this video because when their idyllic outdoor jam is busted up by ninjas (!!), they don't just wimp out and run away crying like I probably would. Instead, they calmly lay down their instruments and proceed to school those ninjas with the power of rock and their own vastly superior kung fu skills. Gotta love that. [[justin]]

A Good Philly Burrito? Mission (Not) Impossible

2009-05-02T22:17:00.008-04:00

I love Mexican food. Beans, rice, and spice are the staples of my diet anyway, so naturally it's a perfect match. But when it comes to Mexican restaurants, I have to get past the (usually) tacky decor before I'm a happy camper with a bean burrito and some salsa. Then, it's all gravy.

This is not true for people from California (aka Justin). They have a different standard that I just cannot grasp; it's like they can taste the efforts of a corn fed, California-raised Mexican cook, and the food's just not the same without it. Perhaps I would feel the same about a cheesesteak made in San Francisco but I doubt I would approach the matter with the same fervor (regardless of the fact that I don't eat beef). So if I've learned anything, it's this: don't try to make Mexican food for Californians and if you do, you'd better call it something else.

And that brings me to today's discovery. We were hungry, driving around the western suburbs among the endless sea of strip malls and standard array of fast food pits, when I saw a bright beacon of hope - Mission Burritos. I knew things were going to be good as soon as we approached the sunny exterior accented with fresh potted spring flowers and saw the sign advertising it as a "California Style Mexican Grill". If nothing else, I knew Justin would be glad to know his people - Mission Burrito is named after the Mission district in San Francisco - are representing locally. That should keep him happy, right? Well, he'll tell you in a minute.

Mission Burrito has an extensive menu with a standard array of carnivorous, vegetarian, and kid friendly options. They emphasize fresh seasonal ingredients, no lard or MSG, extra avocado is an option for every dish and fresh pico is the sauce of choice. I ordered the Vegetarian Burrito and was quite satisfied with the balance of grilled vegetables, pico de gallo, black beans and a rice that was spicy and salty enough for my strong palette. We also indulged in the salsa bar which was good but slightly frustrating. I think that chips and salsa should be included with the meal, but the price was low enough for me to willingly pay the extra cost to have the multiple salsa options. The atmosphere of the restaurant was appealing and comfortable, with a tastefully hip, casual decor with carefully considered details. You can tell these people are really trying to give you something authentic and I can always support a local restaurant that cares about the little things. I'm excited about this new discovery and when it comes to dining, I encourage you to try something new. You'll never know what you're missing if you don't. [[jessica]]

----------

So here's the thing about most Philadelphia Mexican restaurants: no matter how good the food is - and frankly, it's usually pretty crappy - it always kind of feels like you're having dinner at a terrible suburban theme restaurant. Sombreros as artwork, waiters dressed like bi-curious matadors; it's not so much dinner as it is "a dining experience emulating the authentic taste of Old Mexico." You know what I'm saying. And for what it is, it's, you know, fine, whatever. But let's be clear about one thing. That is most certainly not "authentic." Now, I wouldn't say that I know a lot of Mexicans, but I'm from California: I know a lot of Mexicans and I have yet to roll over to someone's house for enchilada night and see a freaking hat hanging on the wall.

So perhaps you'll appreciate my skepticism when we had family day at Target and decided to stop for dinner at Mission Burrito (32 Baltimore Pike, Lansdowne PA, (610) 622-6900). Everything about this place was a warning sign: Strip mall? Check. Suburbs? Check. Big festive hat on the sign? Check. With great trepidation, I parked the car but as we approached, I felt something unexpected: hope. The interior decor was understated and tasteful - stainless steel counters, tile flooring, and mustard walls with burgundy and midnight blue accents - and there were live plants surrounding the front door. Save for a small set of American options, the menu stuck to the basic burrito-taco-quesadilla trinity with only a few additional essentials (carne, flautas, torta, etc.). Most exciting, though, was the collection of press clippings in the front window that alerted me to the fact that the owners are from San Francisco and that they're trying to recreate a "California Style" restaurant. And that's when it hit me: It felt like hope because it felt like home.

California design, no doubt, but what more can I say about the food that Jessica didn't already say? Our burritos were quite good, stuffed to the breaking point with fresh ingredients and an outstanding hot pico, and reasonably priced ($6.59 for her veggie, $5.99 for my beans and rice). The black beans were especially good, tender and saucy but still firm and hearty. I can also get down with the fact that Mission Burrito uses no lard or MSG, so you really taste the flavor of the ingredient rather than the additives. All six sauces at the salsa bar were well above average although special kudos should go out to the spicy verde; I'm usually not into green sauce but this was good enough to make me reconsider. My only real complaint with Mission Burrito is that they charge an additional $1.25 for the salsa bar. I don't know if I've ever paid extra for sauce before, and that seems a bit on the stingy side to me.

This was, by far, the best Mexican food I've had since I moved here - not good enough to crack my top five all-time (Corrales, Ventura; Los Cantaros, Oakland; El Farolito, San Francisco; La Burrita, Berkeley; Papalote, San Francisco), but we're already making plans to go back and I suspect that this one will quickly make its way into our regular Philadelphia dining rotation. Recommended. [[justin]]

Hungry Stomach, Hungry Heart

2009-05-01T22:45:00.028-04:00

Jessica and I went to see Springsteen - her first time, my third - on Tuesday night at the Spectrum. He totally ruled, but you already knew that. Before the show started someone walked past us with a slice of pizza that smelled so good, I've been craving it ever since. Tonight, in honor of The Boss, I had an Amy's Roasted Vegetable No Cheese Pizza ($7.69, Whole Foods) for dinner while listening to a mix of my favorites, old and new - playlists at the end of this review. A few weeks ago ("What's Better ...", April 11) I referred to this pizza as "the best frozen vegan pizza" and today I'll share the reasons why. Without further ado ...

Top Five Reasons Why Amy's is the Best Frozen Pizza
1. Take a look at that picture. Once you get past being hell of jealous of my amazing Burger King Empire Strikes Back drinking glass, you might notice that the pizza on the plate doesn't exactly resemble the pizza on the box. That's because the pizza on the plate has more toppings on it than the picture leads you to expect. In this case, bigger really is better.

2. The toppings are delicious individually and go ridiculously perfectly together. The caramelized onions, which coat the crust and take the place of a traditional tomato paste, are sweet and tangy. You definitely notice the sweetness more in bites that don't contain the roasted red peppers, but even then, it's not overpowering. The shiitake mushrooms add a meaty texture along with the artichokes (which are, by far, the most abundant topping). Whoever came up with this recipe should get some sort of public recognition above and beyond this blog. President Obama, if you're reading - and, of course, you are - might I suggest you nominate this person for a Presidential Medal of Freedom? I mean, good lord, if Reagan can give one to Bear Bryant ...

3. No matter how fresh and delicious the toppings are, if they're set on a bad foundation, there's no way that it's going to end well. This crust more than lives up to the toppings it supports: doughy and moist, but thin enough to have just a little bit of crunch to it. As a fan of thin crust pizza, this is exactly what I look for, although it does mean that you have to be extra careful not to leave it in the oven too long and char the bottom. That said, the crust was probably my favorite part of this pie.

4. This pizza fills you up, but doesn't leave you feeling bloated or heavy. I guess that would be especially true if you don't eat the entire thing in one sitting, like I did. Try that with Domino's and let me know how it works out for you - not as well, I suspect.

5. In general, I'm pro-Amy's. I've eaten most of their vegan items and have yet to be disappointed or even ambivalent; this is one brand that I know I can count on for a high-quality meal/snack. True, I did have a bit of an issue with one of their frozen burritos a while back (see "Dinner is a Time ...", April 16, for details), but that was probably as much user error as anything else. I'll be reviewing more of their products in the weeks to come, but overall, I'd say that you really can't go wrong with Amy's.

----------

Top Ten Classic Springsteen
Night
Growin' Up
My Hometown
Jungleland
Atlantic City
Does This Bus Stop at 82nd Street?
One Step Up
Rosalita
Born to Run
I'm A Rocker
Tunnel of Love (#11, but it's way too great to exclude. Sue me.)
Incident on 57th Street (#12, but ...)

Top Ten 21st Century Springsteen
Radio Nowhere
The Rising
Livin' in the Future
My Lucky Day
Surprise, Surprise
The Wrestler
Girls In Their Summer Clothes
Devils & Dust
Your Own Worst Enemy
Lonesome Day

The highways were indeed jammed with broken heroes on a last-chance power drive that night, friends. So, so awesome. [[justin]]

Amazing Savory Griiiiiiiiiiits

2009-04-28T06:52:00.003-04:00

I think I may have to disagree with Justin on that last post. I'd rather lead a chaste life of solitude than give up my breakfast food, especially my grits. Don't mess with my grits. I think Jill would have my back on that one. My discovery of these little coarsely ground bits of degerminated corn a few years back was a life-changing experience. Well, not really. But they make a fantastic breakfast and are a great addition to dinner. The creamy texture and subtle flavor lends itself perfectly to bold, spicy dishes and I'm sure you'll see this recipe in many blogs to come. [[jessica]]

Amazing Savory Griiiiiiiiiiits
1 1/2 cup water
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup grits (we used Bob's Red Mill corn grits)
1 Tb margarine (we used Earth Balance)
2 Tb nutritional yeast
1 Tb Tofutti cream cheese
salt and pepper to taste

- Bring water and salt to a boil.
- Stir in grits and reduce heat, add margarine, and cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.
- Add nutritional yeast and tofutti, stir, and remove from heat.
- Let stand covered a minute before serving with additional salt and pepper to taste. Serves 2

Songs About Food: Jill Scott

2009-04-27T06:49:00.004-04:00

"... made me some breakfast: toast, two scrambled eggs, grits ..."

Soul singers are funny, how they're always talking about doing the deed but are often quite modest about the details. Take Jill Scott - one of Philly's best exports, I might add - for example: an entire song about anticipating the nighttime activity, but all we know is that it's going to be "nasty, freaky, just right." On the other hand, we know the exact, specific details of her morning meal. Not only that, but breakfast is so important that it gets its own sweet harmony vocal, sustaining the word "grits" until it sounds like it should be spelled with about eleven "i"s. The listener is left with the distinct impression that Jill is more excited by the food than the sex, which amuses me to no end. I mean, I know breakfast is the most important meal of the day and all, and I'm not even going to try to hate on Jessica's amazing savory grits, but ... come on. [[justin]]

If Breakfast for Dinner Equals Brinner, What Do You Call Cookies for Breakfast?

2009-04-25T17:03:00.005-04:00

This morning when I got my early morning hit of liquid crack (aka iced coffee), the guy at the counter asked if he could get me a muffin or scone to go with it. I grabbed a cookie instead - specifically, an Alternative Baking Company Colossal Chocolate Chip Cookie - and told him I was all set. He gave me kind of a funny look, part surprise and part disgust. It was like he thought he could somehow shame me into a more traditional breakfast item but that, my friends, was a futile and failed effort. The way I see it, if man was not meant to have cookies in the morning, God would not have given us Cookie Crisp cereal or put a basket full of them so close to the register at the cafe near my apartment. Plus, if there's one thing I ain't afraid of, it's "no ghost," followed closely by "disappointing a barista." So cookies for breakfast it was.

Of all the vegan cookies out there, these are probably my least favorite. I realize that the point of a cookie is sweetness, but this is overkill. On top of that, the cookie itself is thick and dense, so every bite requires a lot of chewing and you definitely need some kind of drink to go along with it. It's also very filling, more like a dessert than a snack; depending on your mood, this could be either a benefit or a drawback. On the plus side, the chocolate chips are indeed colossal, both in size and quantity. Kudos for that, at least.

All told, I'm not too impressed with this one. It's certainly not bad but I wouldn't call it good, either. Let me put it this way: if you have no other vegan cookie option, this'll do. But if you have a choice, I'd suggest you look elsewhere. [[justin]]

Sesame Peanut Soba

2009-04-23T09:32:00.004-04:00

When frequenting our local Asian eateries one of our favorite appetizers of all time is sesame cold noodle. The only downside is that I get beyond full before I'm served my entree, so approach with caution; it's seriously the mac and cheese of Asian cooking, a heavy noodle dish that will bring on a food coma faster than you can say "carbo-load." For this recipe, I lightened it up by using soba, Japanese buckwheat noodles that are traditionally eaten hot in a broth or cold with a dipping sauce. Soba is a great alternative if you're trying to limit your wheat intake and is higher in essential amino acids and antioxidants than regular pasta. At home, we eat it as a main dish or served alongside weekday tofu. Enjoy. [[jessica]]

Sesame Peanut Soba Noodles
8 oz soba noodles
1/3 cup peanut butter
2 Tb soy sauce
1/4 cup warm water
2 Tb lime juice
1 Tb sesame oil
2 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp agave
1/4 cup crushed peanuts
1 Tb sesame seeds

- Cook pasta in a 6-8 quart pot of boiling water until tender. Drain in a colander, then rinse well under cold water.
- To make dressing, whisk together remaining ingredients in a medium bowl.
- Toss cooked soba noodles with dressing and serve warm or refrigerate and serve as a cold noodle salad. The longer the noodles sit in the sauce the thicker they become so its better to toss right before serving.

Dandy Peas and Beans with Weekday Tofu

2009-04-21T11:53:00.005-04:00

I definitely dig on vegan food. From door to door, it's the only thing I think about on my way home from work. Today it was creamy curry paired with marinated tofu. I couldn't imagine a better meal to pacify my hectic day; curry is truly my comfort food. As usual, the availability of my ingredients dictated the stars of this dish. Today I had left over peas and a can of white beans. Vegan food is good, but vegan food on the cheap is even better. Just call me the veggie Frugal Gourmet (minus the whole gross scandal part.)

Don't let the expansive ingredient list scare you. This is a very simple recipe and once you get the hang of the curry basics you can use it on anything. [[jessica]]

Dandy Peas and Beans
1 cup peas
1 can white beans
2 Tb oil
1/8 tsp celery seed
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/8 tsp red pepper flakes
1/4 tsp cumin
1/2 Tb garam marsala
1 tsp minced garlic
1 Tb soy sauce
2 Tb nutritional yeast flakes
2 Tb faux sour cream (we used Tofutti)
2 tsp lemon juice
salt and pepper to taste

- Heat oil in a pan and add spices cook on medium heat until fragrant, about 2 minutes.
- Add peas and beans to spice mixture, continue to cook until peas and beans are heated though, about 5 minutes. Stir in nutritional yeast and sour cream. Salt and pepper to taste.
YUM.

Weekday Tofu
1 block tofu, drained
4 Tb soy sauce
2 tsp miran
2 Tb oil
salt pepper and/or sesame gomasio

- Cut pressed tofu into 6 slices.
- Place in container and cover with soy sauce and miran.
- Refrigerate marinating tofu for 3+ hours. (You can do this before you go to work and it'll be ready for the fry pan by dinner)
- Heat oil in a skillet, add tofu and brown each side, approximately 5 minutes a side on medium high heat.
- Salt and pepper to taste and/or top with a dash of Gomasio. (The soy sauce usually adds enough salt but use your discretion)
- Serve with a side of vegetables or on a roll as a tasty sandwich (the possibilities are endless!)
- Eat it.

Songs About Food: The Dandy Warhols

2009-04-20T10:26:00.003-04:00

"... if you dig on vegan food come over to my work, I'll have them cook you something that you'll really love, 'cause I like you ..."

The Dandy Warhols were inconsistent, true, but when they hit, they hit big and this is arguably their finest moment. Maybe you could sway me towards "Not If You Were The Last Junkie On Earth," but it would be a tough sell. However you rank them, this is a retro-alternapop classic and a fantastic way to start the week. Enjoy! [[justin]]

Sassy McSunshine Sausage Gravy with Homeboy Home Fries

2009-04-19T21:08:00.018-04:00

The morning started with a rush of excitement. Restful sleep. Sunshine. Child breath. After the ritual of “abc’s on the ‘puter” we got the “I’m huuuungry” from the littlest J. My internal catalog of breakfast options goes into overdrive as I’m flooded with a profusion of epicurean fantasies. The possibilities are endless and my decisionmaking skills are subpar so as Justin was leaving for a quick run to the store his parting words of “It’s all gravy baby” were the inspiration for a salty spicy sauce of breakfasting perfection. Today’s creation was a variation of Justin’s recent morning favorite of sausage and potatoes and thankfully the alteration was a swimming success for both little and big J. Happiness abounds and it was a very filling start to a beautiful spring day. [[jessica]]

Sassy McSunshine Sausage Gravy
aka: Justin’s “special” sausage
2 links of precooked “sausage” sliced (we used Tofurkey Italian)
1/2 medium onion diced thin
2 cloves garlic minced
2 Tb soy margarine (we used Earth Balance)
1/2 Tsp garlic powder
1/2 Tsp onion powder
1/8 tsp each: celery seed, sage, rosemary (optional)
2 Tb flour
2 Tb nutritional yeast (nutg)
1 1/2 Tb Braggs or soy sauce
1 vegetable bouillon (we used no-chicken Better Than Bouillon) diluted in 1 1/4 cup water or vegetable broth
salt and pepper to taste

- Saute onion and garlic and spices in margarine until tender.
- Add the flour and nutg to onion mixture and stir. Heat for 3 minutes, this will turn into a golden paste or a light rue.
- Once thickened, slowly begin to stir in broth and Braggs. Cook until you reach your desired consistency, about 7 minutes. The gravy will thicken the longer it cooks so more water may be necessary.
- Adjust your seasoning and add the sausage. Continue to cook until sausage is heated though.
- Serve with home-fries or biscuits.

Homeboy Home-fries
4 medium red skin potatoes, cubed 1/2” skins on
2 Tb oil
1 tsp adobo seasoning
1/2 tsp onion powder
3 cloves garlic, minced
Salt and pepper
2 Tb water

- In a nonstick pan heat oil and add potatoes and spices.
- Cook on high heat for about 5 minutes so potatoes begin to brown and crust, stirring occasionally.
- Add water and cover pan, cook for about 10 minutes until potatoes are tender.
- Remove lid and adjust your seasoning. Continue to brown potatoes to your liking.
- Serve with Sassy McSunshine Sausage Gravy or some fancy ketchup.

Citizens Bank Park: Vegan Baseball Burger

2009-04-18T23:46:00.011-04:00

Baseball. My mind conjures the image of loud, stanking drunk men using extremely perverse language to convey their discontent over the futile performance of obscenely overpaid professional athletes, smelling like drunk men do in the midsummer heat ... a culture a girl like myself can hardly identify with.

I'll admit, I was skeptical of this whole baseball thing. When the Phillies were winning the World Series I was sick with a stomach virus in a Ft. Lauderdale airport bathroom and during the parade I was stuck in a conference for work. Needless to say, I did not catch the fever and never in my wildest dreams would I pair baseball games with yummy vegan treats but I am just tickled by these little amazing discoveries. As Justin so lovingly blogged about his hot dog, I feel it necessary to comment on the burger that I devoured at the park:

So, in terms of vendor food at a major sporting event, I was thoroughly impressed with this vegan option. Usually I would be content with a basket of greasy fries doused in ketchup and deal with the consequences of said actions later. Instead I was greeted with the option of protein and vegetables in the form of an all American classic. Hurray! BUT ... Coming from a vegan who's eaten her fair share of veggie burgers this one ranked pretty low on the overall burger scale of perfection. It had promise with it's appealing crispy golden exterior and its habitat of a hearty roll but it all fell apart in the flavor and texture department. It was obviously made by a person unfamiliar with vegetarian cooking due to the lack of creativity and flavor. Onions, carrots, and peas oh my! Usually I'm a fan of the natural burgers that don't try to imitate meat but this was a clusterf*ck of steamed veg and bready binder. Some seasoning and soy sauce would have helped cut the "blah" but I can't say I minded the lack of originality all that much. This meal really was a case of "its the thought that counts." So, thanks baseball. [[jessica]]

Citizens Bank Park: The Vegan Dog

2009-04-18T23:34:00.023-04:00

It was bound to happen eventually. No one can stay perfect forever; not even Eric Gagne, who was pretty much unhittable for three seasons with L.A. - 84 straight saves, for God's sake! But where is he now? Stuck with a minor league contract in Milwaukee, coming off a 2008 season that saw him dropping 7 of 17 opportunities while racking up a ginormous 5.41 ERA, and implicated in the Mitchell Report. So I'm not entirely certain why we expected anything more from Brad Lidge, but we did. When he took the mound tonight in the ninth inning with a one run lead, most of us thought it was going in the win column. After watching it happen 41 times in 2008 (not to mention the postseason), I'm quite certain that the entire Philadelphia dugout thought so, too. Frankly, I'd be willing to bet that most of the Padres probably also thought the same thing, except for maybe Brian Giles and Kevin Kouzmanoff, who hit their way into a four-run Padres ninth, sinking Lidge's consecutive streak at 47 and ending our hopes of a Phils victory. Disappointing, sure, and there were no shortage of Philly sports bloggers ready to string him up by his socks for it, but I think we should cut Lidge a break. Better to see a blown save two weeks in than with two weeks left, I say. Plus, recent history suggests that the Phils are late bloomers: last year on April 18, they were then (8-10, .444, 3 games back) almost exactly where they are now (5-6, .455, 5.5 games back) and I would imagine that most of us still remember last October 29 quite well, thank you very much. So maybe now is not the time to judge our closer on one blown save. Instead, let's focus on more immediately troublesome pitching issues (Chan Ho Park? Really? Who keeps giving this guy contracts?!?) and puzzling developments with the offense (is Rollins really starting the season 5 for 41??). And, of course, we certainly can't forget to discuss the incredibly veg/vegan-friendly oasis that is Citizens Bank Park ...

If you're willing to give a custom order, there's absolutely no shortage of vegan options at the ballpark. Although tomato pies aren't on the menu, any of the pizza places - Logan Square (Field Level and Ashburn Alley) or Washington Square (Club and Terrace Levels) - can hold the cheese on request; Planet Hoagie (Ashburn Alley) has a number of salad options that can also be de-cheesed and veganized. Fantastic options, indeed, but if you're a purist like me, not really so exciting. I don't want to eat a salad at a baseball game. I want a hot dog. An over-condimented belly buster that requires the dexterity of a brain surgeon to eat without staining your home jersey but still takes a small tree's worth of napkin products to get the residual fixins off your fingers. Something that looks remarkably similar to this bad boy right here:

Oh yes. A warm not-dog ($3.75, only available at the South Philly Market by Section 128 on the Field Level) on a soft, chewy bun with ketchup, mustard, onions, and relish. This is the kind of dog that was custom-built for county fairs, boardwalks, family reunion cookouts, and ballgames. The kind of dog that tastes like summer. The kind of dog that finally lets vegans mean it when they sing, "I don't care if I ever get back" and root, root, root for the home team.

If you're like me and don't want to special order, hot dogs aren't the only menu option. There's also a vegan burger available (South Philly Market locations on all three levels). I can't offer a firsthand opinion, but it sure looked good and I think it's probably safe to say that Jessica enjoyed it:

Uh, damn, girl, save me a bite!

I should also point out that Citizens Bank Park was named PETA's most vegetarian-friendly ballpark in 2007 and 2008. Those years also marked the Phillies' first postseason appearances since their World Series loss to Toronto in 1993. Correlation or causation? You be the judge. All I have to say is "go veg" and "go Phils!" [[justin]]

Philadelphia Bookfest

2009-04-18T14:59:00.008-04:00

They're grilling vegan burgers outside the Whole Foods on 20th and Pennsylvania. Only two bucks each and proceeds benefit the Free Library. Life is good. [[j & j (and jr.)]]

Dinner is a Time for Love and/or Loss

2009-04-16T22:33:00.005-04:00

Earlier tonight I went over to Fu-Wah (810 S. 47th at Baltimore, West Philadelphia, 215.729.2993) for dinner. I say "dinner" generically only because, as far as I can tell, there's only one deli item there that anyone ever orders. Hence, to name it specifically seems like it would be redundant, much like the phrases "Philadelphia crime spree" or "terrible Adam Sandler movie." This certainly isn't to say that Fu-Wah only offers one item on the deli menu. Far from it; there's a large board above the counter that lists dozens of options for the discerning West Philly gourmand. This is simply to say that I have just never heard or seen anyone, at any time, ever, ordering anything but this one particular item:

The Fu-Wah Tofu Hoagie. I capitalize every word because to do any less would blaspheme the perfection of this sandwich. I'm tempted to say that the experience of eating this hoagie is like having an orgasm in your mouth, but doing so would, I'm sure, just invite a trail of "that's what she said" comments from similarly-immature readers. So let's just say that it's good. Really, really good. Marinated Vietnamese tofu, cilantro, grilled shredded carrot and daikon, Sriracha sauce, and jalapenos (I usually omit these from my order, but whatever), all encased in a lightly toasted long roll. Sometimes the roll is extra crispy and leaves crumbs all over your shirt; I wear them as a sort of badge of pride, to be honest, but that's the only real X-factor here. What remains constant from order to order - and I've probably eaten over a hundred of these since I moved into the neighborhood last January - is this: a giant, meal-sized hoagie prepared to a consistently high standard of excellence at a shockingly low price ($3.75!). All that, and friendly people, too: when was the last time the owner of a corner store apologized to you for having to add sixty cents to the price of a bottled Tazo iced tea - a product they began stocking specifically because you asked him to, I might add - because of issues with his distributor? Never, that's when. Happened to me at Fu-Wah two weeks ago. When was the last time you walked into a corner store and saw "Rush Hour 2" muted on the TV while MC Hammer played on the stereo and the owner alternated between quoting lines from the film and lines from the song and all the while everyone in the store was smiling from ear to ear at how awesome it was? Never, that's when. Happened to me at Fu-Wah last summer. To say that I love everything about this market, and this hoagie, would be an understatement. And from what I gather, most of my fellow West Philadelphians feel very much the same.

Perhaps you can imagine my surprise and dismay, then, when I walked in to order my dinner and was told that they "ran out of tofu about an hour ago." Huh? Such an event never even registered as possible in my mind. It's the functional equivalent of going to Sunoco and finding out that they ran out of gasoline earlier in the day. Honestly, I haven't been that disappointed since they cancelled "Freaks and Geeks," but that's another post for another blogspot. But I soldiered onwards and up, making my way back to the freezer section where I was pleased to discover a better-than-average selection of vegan-friendly frozen foods. Actually, scratch that. Compared to what you'd find at the average corner store, Fu-Wah's selection was outstanding. I settled on an Amy's dairy-free bean and rice burrito. It was overpriced by a couple bucks ($3.99), true, but I can't even bring myself to hate on that because I would gladly have paid an extra two dollars for every tofu hoagie I've ever ordered there; by my calculations, then, I'm still way, way ahead of the curve.

The rest of the story goes just like the rest of every other story I've ever told about trying to microwave a burrito at home: I wrapped it in a sheet of Bounty and turned it over halfway through the cooking time, just like the directions said. I cooked it for exactly as long as suggested, not a second more or less. Still, it ended up tooth-splittingly solid and boiling hot at the edges; cool and, um, "refreshing" in the middle. Plus, the paper towel somehow managed to glue itself to the tortilla, which then tore a giant hole from the center of the burrito during the unwrapping, so I couldn't eat it vertically like a normal person. Instead I had to hold it like a slice of pizza and alternate between small, awkwardly tentative bites and these weird quasi-sexual slurpings at the exposed burrito innards. Of course, despite my near-obsessive attempts to eat cleanly, I still ended up with a massive bean spill all over the upper front half of my body. Which rules for two reasons. First, because I was wearing a white t-shirt and nothing says "classy guy" like a white tee with a food stain dead in the center. Second, because it was the boiling hot edge that spilled, inextricably tangling itself between my chin beard and epidermis, thus leaving me with a giant (and sexy!) red blister under my bottom lip. Also awesome: did you know that greasy overheated beans actually bounce when they make contact with cotton fabrics, leaving a three-inch long trail of slovenly footprints on your person? Neither did I, but there it was, food science in action.

So this summer, if you see some herpes-mouth Wisenheimer walking into Fu-Wah wearing a (mostly) white shirt and looking confused by a tofu shortage, remind me to try the teriyaki rice bowl instead. Thanks very much in advance. [[justin]]

Rock Can-dy (Double Da Dee Double Dee)

2009-04-14T12:11:00.012-04:00

When I was in elementary school, I used to get extremely excited about the science fair. Yeah, I know, I know, I'm a nerd, whatever. Oddly, my excitement for the event was always counteracted by my greater excitement for practicing the fine art of being lazy. So every year was exactly the same: lag all quarter, rush like a madman the week before, barely pull together a half-assed project in time, end up with a C+. Perhaps this is why I grew up to become a social scientist instead of a real scientist, but I digress. Today's recipe is a shout out to the song of the week and my annual science fair fallback plan; it's everything a good snack should be - simple, tasty, and fun. [[justin]]

Rock Can-dy (Double Da Dee Double Dee)
4 cups granulated sugar
2 cups water
food coloring (if desired)
glass jar (a large mason jar works well)
wooden skewer (a chopstick would also work)
2 clothespins

- Prepare the skewer by wetting the bottom (pointy) half with water and rolling it in a bit of the granulated sugar. This acts as a primer coat that the candy crystals will attach themselves to in the next part of the process. Set the skewer aside to dry.
- Once the skewer is dry, pour the water into a pot and bring to a boil on medium heat. Once boiling, add the sugar in 1/2 cup increments and continue to boil until it is all fully dissolved. Remove from heat and cool for five or six minutes. If you're going to add food coloring, do it now.
- Pour the sugar water into the jar, then lower the sugarcoated portion of the skewer into the center of the jar and affix in place using the clothespins. Important: leave about 1-1.5" between the pointy tip of the skewer and the bottom/sides of the jar so the candy only attaches itself to the stick, not the glass. Your finished product should look something like this picture that I pinched from about.com:

- Set the jar in a cool, dry place where your four-year-old son won't be able to fool around with it at every available opportunity *ahem*. Cover the top loosely with Saran Wrap or a paper towel/wax paper secured in place with a rubber band.
- Go watch "The Wrestler" and rethink all the life choices that got you exactly where you are today. That should kill six or seven hours; plenty of time for the first crystals to form. If so, congratulations, you've finally been successful at something! If not, just swallow sadness (like a boss) and pour the water back into your pot; bring to a boil and dissolve more sugar - 1 cup, added in 1/2 cup increments, ought to do it - repeating the steps as above.
- Let the candy grow for a few days until the skewer has a generous candy coating. Be sure to look in on it periodically so it doesn't get so large that it attaches itself to the jar. When it's ready - or when you're just getting too damn sick of waiting for it to be ready - remove the skewer and lay it on a paper towel to dry for a few minutes.
- Eat now or wrap in Saran Wrap and save for later.

Songs About Food: Flo Rida

2009-04-13T00:23:00.006-04:00

"... so, so delicious, can’t help my interest, candy addiction. ..."

It's not even May yet, and already we have our probable number one jam of the year here: Flo Rida's "Sugar." I love the Eiffel 65 sample; that this guy thinks people have forty-two teeth; that a big macho rapper can write an entire song about something as innocent as making out. I haven't fallen this hard, this fast, for a radio pop track since Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" in 2006. Sure, it's a simile and is only "about" food in the most liberal construction of the term, but this song is far too excellent to let that little detail stand in the way. My only regret is that I couldn't find the official video, but whatever, this clip will suffice. Just don't blame me if/when you find yourself walking around all day humming "da double dee double da dee double dee double da." [[justin]]

Beet Love

2009-04-12T23:19:00.006-04:00

Last night's frozen pizza had a partner in crime which should not go without proper recognition. As an attempt to get some more veg into our diet and use up some stocked can food I cooked up some beets and fancified the crap out of them. It should also be noted that this particular dish was the catalyst to perhaps the funniest food related thing Justin has ever said. (This is saying a lot because he is quite the jokester.) Be sure to check back for the illustrated interpretation. Regardless, I'll share the pants off this recipe. Dare me.

Fancy Pants Beets
1 can of beets (you can use fresh just cook 'um longer)
1 Tb of Earth Balance margarine
1/2 tsp dried basil
1/2 tsp dried thyme
2 cloves garlic minced
Salt and pepper to taste.

- Heat the margarine in a pan, toss in remaining ingredients and cook until heated through.
- Eat it.

Amazingly simple. Anyone can do it. [[jessica]]

What's Better, Bad Pizza or No Pizza At All?

2009-04-11T19:12:00.006-04:00

As you can see, the X-axis (the horizontal one, for those of you who don’t remember your high school maths) represents the amount of the pizza that I consumed. The Y-axis, “Level of Enjoyment,” is a bit more subjective. Let’s say that 10 represents total dining nirvana, 0 represents accidentally touching your tongue after changing a dirty diaper, and 5 represents the point at which you start thinking to yourself, “there has got to be something else to eat around here.”

Kashi's Sicilian Veggie pizza ($6.99, Whole Foods) started off with some promise. Not the best frozen pizza I’ve ever tasted (CPK’s five cheese and tomato, in the pre-vegan days), and not even the best frozen vegan pizza (Amy’s roasted vegetable), but a solid contender. It looked more or less exactly like the photo on the box, cooked evenly all the way through, and had a pleasant aroma. Solid crust – crispy on the outside and chewy in the middle. I’m not a huge fan of eggplant, the key topping here, so the initial bite didn’t rank so high, but otherwise I anticipated a solid pizza experience.

After that first bite, though, a funny thing happened. Each successive bite got less and less enjoyable. As shown above, by the time I was 1/3 of the way through it I was past the point of considering my other options and sinking fast. I started taking off the toppings, which improved things a bit (note the slight upwards trend between 40-50 percent eaten), but the real redemption came roughly at the halfway mark, when I doused the thing in Sriracha rooster sauce. I wonder if there is a food that could not be improved by applying a liberal dose of this magical, wonderful condiment of taste-enhancing perfection? I think not. The enjoyment trend turned immediately, and sharply, upwards, nearing a state of edible bliss as the ratio of pizza to hot sauce decreased towards a 1:1 equilibrium. In fact, the last “bite” – the highest-rated and most enjoyable – was little more than me licking the excess Sriracha remnants from my thumb and index finger.

Overall, I’d have to say that this was a pretty disappointing pizza. I certainly wouldn’t buy it again, although I might give it another chance if someone gave me one for free. The real winner here? Sriracha, once again proving that if brown is the new black and thirty is the new twenty, then hot sauce is the new ketchup. [[justin]]

... and It's Vegan, Too!

2009-04-09T13:41:00.007-04:00

Spicy soup that tastes like cock?? This never ceases to amuse me. [[justin]]

This French Toast Is Not Just a Rapper's Delight

2009-04-07T11:01:00.006-04:00

Let me just say it again: I really, really, really love "Rapper's Delight." So much so that it inspired me to make some breakfast toast. But where's the challenge in that? Anyone can put some bread in the toaster and push the lever down. Instead, here's a recipe for French toast (or, "Freedom" toast, if you still buy into that sort of thing). It might look like a lot of steps but if you read through it before you start, I think you'll find that it's pretty simple. [[justin]]

You Can Brag and Boast About This French Toast
2 Tb tahini
1 Tb nut butter (peanut, almond, macadamia ... be creative!)
3/4 cup soymilk
1 Tb maple syrup
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 Tb flour
6 slices bread (white or sourdough for the most traditional variety, a seeded multigrain for some extra crunch and a heartier texture)
1 Tb canola oil

- Mix tahini, nut butter, soymilk, maple syrup, vanilla, and cinnamon together until smooth
- Add flour until the mixture is thoroughly blended (no clumps or dry bubbles)
- Add oil to a nonstick skillet. Turn heat to medium
- One at a time, drop slices of bread into the batter mix. Make sure the entire slice is coated generously, then drop into heated pan and fry until golden brown on both sides (5 minutes, give or take, depending on your stovetop)
- Pan --> plate. Admire your creation
- Add your favorite toppings. We like bananas and maple syrup but you could also make a strong argument in favor of strawberries, walnuts, powdered sugar, agave nectar, etc.
- Serve with a big glass of soymilk and enjoy!

Songs About Food: The Sugarhill Gang

2009-04-06T09:15:00.004-04:00

"... I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast, but we like hot butter on our breakfast toast ..."
Extended commentary is unnecessary: This is the greatest song ever written, so just turn it up and bask in the greatness. [[justin]]

Snack Foods and the Construction of Language

2009-04-04T16:19:00.014-04:00

True story: when I first considered going vegan, I asked my friend Matt (aka Vegan Matt) a lot of questions: what can you eat besides vegetables; is it hard to go out to restaurants; do you have to spend a lot more on groceries; and so on. The types of questions that we all have/had when making this decision. So he's telling me about the different meat substitutes available - tempeh, TVP, tofu, Satan - and in my mind, I'm like, "Whoa! Hold up. Vegans eat something called 'Satan'? That is so metal! I'm sold!" In my mind's eye, I had visions - beautiful, sweet visions - of meatless cookouts with the guys from Slayer. Composting with Opeth. Community gardening with Metallica (not Lars, though; that dude seems a little too high-strung for me). God, it was going to be so very awesome.

Can you guess how disappointed I was when I learned the awful truth about homonyms that day?

Flash forward two years and I'm in the natural foods aisle at Giant when I stumble across Primal Strips *ahem* Seitan *sigh* Thai Peanut Jerky. I love seitan. I love Thai food. I love peanuts. How could I resist a purchase?

The first thing I noticed is that you pretty much need to have the upper arm strength of a professional arm wrestler to get the packaging open. Either that or just carry a small hunting knife with you because, seriously, you will sit in your car in the parking lot for ten minutes trying to tear the plastic into an opening sufficiently large enough to remove the food inside. So frustrating, but I'm pleased to report that it's well worth the effort. Each package has three thin strips of jerky, each about one inch by two inches - perfect for a personal snack or sharing with a friend. The peanut undertones of the seasoning complemented the seitan without overwhelming it, so it has a nice robust flavor but isn't terribly spicy like jerky often can be. Being a big fan of hot sauce and spice (and Spice Girls, but that's another story), I could have done with a bit more heat here, but this was by no means a dealbreaker. Like meat jerky, each strip is tough and chewy and will give you TMJ if you try to eat too much in one sitting. Also like meat jerky, it's greasy and will leave you in desperate need of a good hand-washing when you're finished. Unlike a lot of vegan snacks, you could probably feed this to a carnivore and get a positive reaction but I hope I'm wrong about that; if they don't like it, more for us! [[justin]]

Iron(ic) Chef America

2009-04-02T21:02:00.005-04:00

This magnet got prime real estate on the fridge, which means that we're either bad vegans or good ironists. Or maybe a bit of both. However you judge it, this may have been the best $3.75 we've ever spent at Whole Foods. [[j & j]]

Mix-A-Sandwich: Chickpea Salad

2009-03-31T20:40:00.001-04:00

This week's song got me thinking about how uninspiring a Quarter Pounder actually is. Greasy, questionable beef on an over-processed, preservative-laden, stale roll. Yum.
So I'm posting a recipe for an awesome vegan alternative: Chickpea salad sandwich filler. It's a simple and cheap meal that even the barest pantries could probably conjure. I recommend pairing it with some lettuce on a good crusty roll or hearty multi-grain with a few extra cilantro stems. Be creative. [[jessica]]

Chickpea Salad
1 15 oz can chickpeas
1/4 onion minced
2 celery stalks minced
2 Tb minced pickles
1/2 tsp basil
1 Tb minced cilantro
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp celery seed
1 tsp dijon mustard
1 tsp olive oil
5 Tb vegan mayo
Salt and pepper to taste

- Drain chickpeas into a large bowl and mash into a rough consistency.
- Add the onions, celery, pickles, and seasoning and toss with chickpea mash.
- Mix in the vegan mayo, salt and pepper; adjust the amounts to your liking.
- Refrigerate for a few hours to chill and to allow flavors to marry.

Songs About Food: Sir Mix-A-Lot

2009-03-30T01:05:00.001-04:00

"... hit Mickey D's, Maharaji starts to bug. He ate a Quarter Pounder, threw the pickles on my rug ..."
OK, I admit, I really wanted to post "Buttermilk Biscuits" but I couldn't find a good video for it. Maybe later this summer I'll make one myself or just post an mp3. For now, though, this is a more-than-adequate substitute. In fact, I'm particularly fond of this one because whenever I drive with my son in the car and we encounter a bad driver, I have to find creative ways to curse them out so he doesn't pick up any bad habits. Calling someone a "Bremelo gip," as in the third verse, is one of my personal favorites. Perhaps it will become one of yours, too? [[justin]]

Truth in Advertising?

2009-03-27T14:40:00.007-04:00

I often find that the best things come in relatively unappealing packages. Take Tom Petty, for instance. Between the teeth and the sideburns and the slow Southern drawl, not an attractive man. But as soon as he puts on the Rickenbacker and launches into "Refugee," he transforms into a rock and roll Superman. The only real difference, actually, is that (as far as I know) Tom Petty can't leap tall buildings in a single bound. Then again, he did tell us that he was learning to fly without wings so who knows what he's truly capable of. The point is this: not all good things are good to look at, and TastyBite Kerala Vegetables are no exception.

Looking at the photo, two things should be apparent. First, on a purely visual level, this is the Tom Petty of microwavable foods. Second - and relatedly - the meal on the box does not look like the meal in my bowl. From the packaging, you'd think you were about to get giant chunks of potato and carrots; this is not the case. The largest potato was about the size of my thumbnail and there were only about six of them. Ditto for the carrots. Mostly, it's a lot of sauce and vegetable mush. Not surprising, perhaps, given that the top three ingredients are water, tomatoes, and coconut, but I'm still taking points off for the misleading package.

Visuals and composition aside, this one really redeems itself in the flavor department. The coconut sauce is thick and rich, and quite spicy. The potato and carrot pieces didn't get overly saturated by the sauce, they maintained a perfect balance between firm enough to hold together and soft enough to lose their crunch. Like I said before, there wasn't anywhere near as much vegetable as sauce, but if you have a nice naan or injera alongside it, the abundance of sauce is definitely a good thing. Sadly, I wasn't so prepared and instead had to soak up the sauce with a piece of multigrain Whole Foods sandwich bread, which was OK but a little less than authentic, to say the least.

Once I got past my irritation with the deceptive cover photo, I enjoyed this meal. So long as you understand that you're not going to get what's shown on the box, you probably will, too. Recommended. [[justin]]

Pass the Quinoa

2009-03-24T15:26:00.005-04:00

The Incas really knew how to worship; this sacred South American superfood is a grain unlike any other. The delicate grain is versatile and can easily adapt to both savory and sweet variations. Not only does it have a delicious, slightly nutty flavor but with its high protein content and balanced set of essential amino acids, it's a complete protein source. The mind-blowingly amazing epicurean possibilities are truly endless, so eat up you hungry vegans! Below is a recipe for basic savory quinoa that's perfect as a side dish, light lunch, or chilled as salad. Although this isn't a traditional "Dutchie" recipe, it can be made, like most grains, in a dutch oven. I personally didn't have time to do the whole fire thing but if you're feeling adventurous or purist, feel free to go all the way here. [[jessica]]

Pass the Quinoa
1 cup quinoa
2 cups vegetable based broth (we used no-chicken Better Than Bouillon)
1 Tb oil
1 small onion, diced
2 carrots, diced or match-sticked
2 stalks celery, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/3 cup corn
1/3 cup edamame (shelled)
salt and pepper to taste

- In a heavy-bottomed pot or dutch oven, heat oil and saute onion, carrot, and celery until tender and slightly browned, about 5 minutes.
- Thoroughly rinse the quinoa to avoid any soapy taste from its high saponin (a natural pesticide) content.
- Add quinoa and broth to the vegetable mixture, cover, and bring to a simmer.
- Cook until quinoa is tender but slightly chewy (al dente), about 10-12 minutes.
- Stir in corn and edamame, salt and pepper to taste.
- Serve hot, or cold as a quinoa salad. Serves 4

Songs About Food: Musical Youth

2009-03-23T07:42:00.001-04:00

"... how does it feel when you've got no food?"
Let's get something straight. A "dutchie" was a Dutch oven. Poor Jamaicans would cook stew in this pot and then pass it around ("upon the left hand side") to their families and dinner companions. Although marketed as a novelty and definitely subtle in its politics, "Pass the Dutchie" has a lot more substance than you might expect - "Subterranean Homesick Blues," it ain't, but the last twenty-seven (!) years have been far kinder to this song than I anticipated. And just to be clear: it's not about smoking weed. [[justin]]

Don't Call It a Roach Coach

2009-03-19T23:20:00.011-04:00

In 1775, Patrick Henry addressed the Virginia Convention and, in what may well be the most quoted moment of the American Revolution (OK, OK, maybe it was second to "The British are coming"), exhorted the assembled delegates to "give me liberty or give me death!" Stirring words, no doubt, but I have to admit that I always felt a much deeper connection to the perspective of the Dead Kennedys, who titled their 1987 compilation album Give Me Convenience Or Give Me Death. Much of my teenage and adult life choices have been based on that philosophy, and my dining preferences are no exception. The trick has been figuring out a way to apply it to healthy, tasty vegan options - finding gourmet options in a fast food world, as it were. Magic Carpet Foods (Spruce at 36th, Philadelphia), a tiny lunch cart no larger than my bathroom, fulfills that need perfectly, as it's less than a five-minute walk from my on-campus office and only about a mile from my front door at home.

The menu is 100% vegetarian, with a large number of vegan options. We went with the Seitan Grinder - a pita full of seitan, marinated red and green peppers, lettuce, sauce, and cheese (vegan options available) - and the Tempeh Salad Sandwich, a pita stuffed with tempeh salad, lettuce, and a sesame tahini dressing.

The Seitan Grinder (above left) was quite good - the shredded seitan was perfectly seasoned; spicy but not overpowering. Its taste and texture were a nice complement to the peppers, which were sliced large and had just the right amount of crunch even after being marinated. My only real complaint is that the ratio of peppers to seitan was pretty highly tilted in favor of the peppers and I would have liked to see a more even balance. Jessica, a huge fan of all pepper-based dishes, agreed, but we both felt like that was a minor concern when considering the overall goodness of the sandwich. The Tempeh Salad Sandwich (above right) was a bit more controversial. Jessica declared that the tempeh salad was "the best I've ever tasted," and was quite enthusiastic about the entire sandwich. Truth be told, I think she was a little disappointed when, halfway through lunch, it was time to swap sandwiches, kind of like that episode of "Family Ties" where Ellen leaves for Paris and Alex takes Sharon the waitress to dinner but ends up spending the entire date trying to turn her into a carbon copy of Ellen. Kids of the eighties, you feel me here. But I digress. The point is, Jessica loved the Tempeh Salad Sandwich; I was a little lukewarm about it. I thought that there was way too much sauce, which gave the fillings a heavy consistency and overwhelmed me with rich flavors. It was kind of hard to taste the tempeh for all the sauce, actually. That's not to say that the sauce was bad, just that there was way too much of it. I'd recommend asking for light sauce; that might help things.

Overall, I'd say that the Seitan Grinder was an absolute winner and the Tempeh Salad Sandwich had potential but didn't quite live up to it. That said, though, it's no surprise why there's always a line outside: both sandwiches provided an enormous amount of food for a reasonable price ($4.75 each) and the guys behind the counter were very helpful and made sure that we got what we needed (ie., when we initially ordered the Meatball Sandwich vegan-style, they made sure to tell us that the "meatballs" were made with eggs). If you're a Penn or Drexel student - or any West Philly resident in general - this is probably the best all-vegetarian/vegan option going. Small complaints aside, I'd recommend it highly. [[justin]]

Pasta Salad a la Moz

2009-03-17T09:20:00.010-04:00

Yesterday's song about food got me thinking about all the awesome meatless dishes I enjoy, and the few that I can actually make myself. Normally, I wouldn't do the recipes, but I tried something simple last night that turned out remarkably well and is worth a post. This should appeal to anyone who, like me, is an absolute novice in the kitchen and needs some kind of side dish for a potluck or summer barbecue. It also works well as a main dish; just pair it with some crusty bread and a big glass of iced tea. [[justin]]

Pasta Salad a la Moz
3 cups dry Fusilli
1/2 cup "mayo" (we used Vegennaise)
2 Tb brown mustard
1/2 cup edamame
1/2 cup kernel corn
1/4 cup celery
salt and pepper to taste

- Prepare the Fusilli as indicated on the box. Drain, rinse well with cool water, then drain again. Set the cooked pasta in the fridge to cool (an hour should do it).
- Prepare the edamame and corn in whatever way they need to be prepared - open the can, thaw on the stovetop or microwave, whatever. Chop the celery width-wise so you end up with pieces that look like little crescent moons. Add all three of those to the pasta, mix it up, and return to the fridge to continue cooling.
- When the pasta/veg mix is ready, add the mayo and mustard (and salt and pepper, if desired) and mix until coated evenly.
- Dish it out and get your grub on.

Songs About Food: The Smiths

2009-03-16T08:54:00.002-04:00

"... and the flesh you so fancifully fry is not succulent, tasty or kind. It's death for no reason, and death for no reason is murder ..."
Well, isn't that a cheery way to get your Monday started? Your weekly song about food will not, I promise, always be so morose. But what else could possibly have been a more appropriate way to kick off the music posts on a blog written by two vegans? [[justin]]

We Heart New York

2009-03-15T10:27:00.002-04:00

As spotted on a bus shelter in the East Village. [[j & j]]